1) Why do you think the Bible emphasizes the choice people have about whom to marry?
a) Reference : 1 Cor 7:39
God clearly in the Old Testament itself told to the Israelites not to take foreign or pagan wives [i.e. unbelievers]. This is because God knew that an unbelieving wife has the potential to destroy one’s relationship with God and bring misery in to that believer’s life. The Bible says that Solomon’s “….Wives turned his heart after other gods; and his heart was not loyal [at peace with] to the Lord his God, as was the heart of his father David” (1 Kings 11:1-6). This is the reason God has commanded in the New Testament also, that the believer should not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever (2 Cor 6:14). The choice believers have in the area of marriage is that they can marry anyone as long as they are a believer. If any person has faith in God believing that “….a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Prov 19:14), then God will bring a wonderful woman for him and bring her at the right time as He did for Adam in the Garden of Eden.
2) Why do you think the Bible forbids a Christian marrying a non-Christian?
b) Reference : 1 Cor 3:16-17 ; Duet 22:10
The word “Do not be unequally yoked” in 2 Cor 6:14 comes from the analogy of using two oxen connected by a wooden crosspiece or object over their neck to do plowing [i.e. do the same work with the same purpose]. Here we see unity in purpose and unity in their work. So only the Bible asks you the question, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3). In other words Bible is asking you the question, can two person walk with the same purpose and same direction if their mind thinks differently. The answer is simply a big no! The believer will always think to please the Lord and glorify God in his life, but the unbeliever will always think about satisfying himself and flaunt about His own achievements [i.e. totally two different personalities with totally different goals, purposes and intentions]. From the above verse we can understand that it is impossible to walk in the same direction, with the same purpose, if both the husband and wife do not agree in the most essential connection that God establishes through His Spirit in both of them. In other words ‘the two shall become one flesh [in purpose, direction and goals] in the One who joined them [through the Spirit of God]’ (Genesis 2:24; Matt 19:5-6).
a) Movies – Even though all movies are not x-rated, yet the concepts that they use are mostly are from the standards of the world system of governance which is not an absolute, like God’s standard of His kingdom living. Even though many secular movies are not necessarily harmful, yet they may not necessarily promote godliness. It is better to avoid such worldly concepts which will hinder us from growing in faith and spiritual maturity. The world system nowadays doesn’t consider infidelity and promiscuity as a grave sin and people consider it as a normal thing which is absolutely abominable in the sight of God. Even some of the movies promote homosexuality as a normal, acceptable life style which shows the depravity the world is plunging in to. Hence all these things which are a result of curse that is coming upon the world as a thick darkness should not be allowed by a Christian to influence himself and his family.
b) Magazines - Sexually immoral magazines.
c) Media - Even though hearing the daily news is informative and knowledgeable, within a short period of viewing it, there will come a commercial of sexually explicit seductive scenes in-between them which will influence the viewer in his daily life.
d) Bad friendship- Bad examples of parents.
e) Internet- Pornography [nude pictures which is easily accessible to even children’s].
f) Wrong Educational value system- Schools, Colleges, etc…- No discipline is taught.
4) In the Biblical marriage, the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church, and the wife is to love her husband. Discuss practical ways in which a person can show love to his or her marriage partner.
a) Surprise gift. Ex: roses, other gift which she likes……
b) Preparing a meal.
c) Understanding the heart. Ex: To know what our spouse will like or dislike in his/her everyday life and avoiding the things which he/she dislikes.
d) If misunderstanding happens- Understand the problem, do not immediately judge your spouse, submit to God, openly communicate your problem rather than hiding it, be the first to forgive by the grace of God.
e) Appreciate each other verbally or a touch or pat on the back will make a lot of difference in your love life.
f) Respect each other in front of others and never ever speak about the weakness of your spouse to others. This is like stabbing your spouse on his/her back knowingly or unknowingly.
g) Pray for one another.
h) Be faithful to one another.
5) Why do you think there is so much pressure today against marriage being a permanent relationship?
a) Work pressure and timings give little time for communication inside the family.
b) Values of people [i.e. Character] have drastically come down especially in the past two or three decades because of increasing immorality.
c) Possibility of live-in relationship without commitment is possible in the society.
d) People want to live selfishly without sacrifice in one’s life.
e) Pride comes when money is the motivation and satisfaction in a family life. Ego clashes come as a result of this kind of life style where the partner will begin to think that if money is given enough the other partner will be pleased, and it often leads to division and divorce.
f) Misunderstanding about the needs of the other partner because of lack of communication and a cluttered mindset.
- When we rely on God’s will we are safe.
- Unbelievers can never understand the will of God and will have no interest in seeking God, So only God forbids intermarriage.
- You cannot serve two masters (Matt 6:24).
- Marriage means union between a man and a woman.
- Emotional and physical attractions that bring a marriage in to existence will eventually break in the end because nobody stays the same way forever, but become old as time passes by. The only thing that stays forever is the inner beauty of a woman and a man. The other reason for this breakage is because our feelings change as often as a changing weather.
- God’s will is always the best choice in this planet earth even though it may not be the easiest thing to do.
- People say, “Love is blind”. Never forget that a blind person will bump or fall in to the ditch before he crosses the first unpredictable turn. Then how can a blind person lead another blind person, as both of them say, “We both fell in to blind love”. This type of relationship are mostly based on person’s impulsive lust rather than real, committed, unconditional love of marital intimacy.
- Submission and obedience are two different things. A person can obey another person without submission in one’s heart. This kind of obedience will have no real love in it and is of no use in building a lasting relationship in one’s life. Obedience without submission will always cause disunity. Submission is always committing our self in to the hands of the other partner trusting him/her in spite of their weakness, believing that they will do only good because the partner is committed and loves him/her.
- Gentleness is very important to build a lasting relationship with one’s partner (Col 3:18, 19).
- Don’t blame your spouse when things go wrong (Gen 3:12-13).
- Care for each other. True love means taking care of the other partner in their moment of difficulties and weaknesses.
- When people don’t accept God’s will as the standard in the life of one’s family, there is always a chance for the family to be broken apart because of constant oppression or bombardment of the evil influence and ways of the world system which is very destructive in nature and is operated by satan and his demons of destruction.
- Financially stable people nearly sixty percentage of the time go for divorce as the only option to their marriage woes to end. They give the reason that the marriage is irretrievably broken. But the real reason behind it is arrogance, love of money, infidelity and cluttered egoistic mindset.
- Financial unity between the husband and the wife will always bring stability in one’s family life.
The Husbands Role in the Home
1) What do you understand is involved in the husband being the head of the wife?
The husband is the spiritual head as God has appointed him, so only when the fall happened in the Garden of Eden, God held Adam responsible for the fall of humankind. If Adam had analyzed the problem when Eve approached him and if he had taken this problem to God, the whole chaotic situation that humankind is presently experiencing would have been averted (Gen 3:6, 9). In that situation the seed of mankind was not still corrupted because a woman doesn’t have the seed until Adam too ate the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. In that way when Eve gave the fruit to Adam, He did not even think about the responsibility and authority that God had given him to take care of his wife and all of the creation. When man forgets to exercise the spiritual authority and responsibility that God has given to him, the whole order of the creation suffer because of that lethargic attitude of that husband-man. For the husband to exercise authority in a proper and orderly way, he should first be under the authority of God.
If Adam had thought about God even for a second at that time before the fall of humankind, he would not have heeded the voice of his wife which was clearly against God and was an act of disobedience and rebellion. If only Adam would have heeded the voice of the Lord God, the whole of humankind would not have suffered like the present time in which all of creation is groaning for deliverance. This authority of Adam was spiritual in nature, manifested itself physically once he [Adam] started to exercise it. The husband being the head of the wife is spiritual in nature and not physical [i.e. not according to each one’s strength]. Being the spiritual head of the creation of God, Adam must have had clearly imparted the knowledge of God that he had experienced with God before Eve was given to him in marriage by God. If he had done that, it would have instilled the fear of God and His word in her heart so that she would have had the spiritual strength in her to reject the deceitful words of the serpent (Gen 3:1-7). Adam failed in this responsibility that had been given to him by God. Adam who had that rich experience with God miserably failed in every way to be the head of the wife.
2) Why do you think a husband’s prayers can be hindered if he does not treat his wife with honor and wisdom?
a) Ref : 1 Peter 3:7
A husband needs to dwell [intimately stay connected spiritually and physically] with understanding as to the we
aker vessel. If a husband has no understanding about his wife, he will expect something that is unreasonable from her natural tendency. For example, it is a natural tendency for a woman to communicate even the smallest details of what has been happening in the home during the husband’s absence.
The husband should understand the urge in her to communicate and should try to listen to her and communicate back to her in assurance, guidance and comfort. This is what the Bible calls as being heirs together of the grace of life. This can happen only when the husband receives the grace of life from God and will connect to her with that kind of grace that is given by God to live life together happily.
If the husband behaves rudely against his wife and becomes wrathful and grouchy, then as a result of this there develops a grudge in his heart against his wife, then God will not hear his prayers or answer his prayers for the following reasons,
(i) Forgiveness-If you do not forgive others [i.e. your wife] their debts, God will not forgive your debts [failings, shortcomings & sinful things] (Matt 6:12; 18:34-35).
(ii) Humility-Only those who are humble can be able to accept their own failings and thus be able to receive grace from God to forgive others (James 4:6).
(iii) Unity-Only when there is unity within the family, only then God will release his blessings by commanding it over people’s life (Psalm 133:1-3). God will command and rebuke the devourer [i.e. the devil] when he sits unlawfully or illegally in a place (Malachi 3:10-11). When there is unforgiveness, you are giving the devil a legal entry in to your place. When the enemy sits lawfully in a place because you have given him a legal rights by you giving him a place, God will not command his blessings in that place (Eph 4:25-27).
(iv) Protection - When God commands His blessing life forevermore, only then the enemy will not be able to devour your life and your properties because of the command of God’s blessing and protection over your life in answer to your prayers as a righteous man (Malachi 3:11-12; James 5:16).
3) Do you agree with this statement: “The degree to which a man will fulfill the delicate and significant responsibilities of headship is the degree to which he consciously and genuinely submits to Christ’s headship in his own life?” If yes, why or why not?
Every good and perfect gift comes from the father of lights in whom there is no variation or shadow of turning (James 1:17). Leadership within a family in itself is a gift of God that He has given to every man to be the spiritual head of the house (1 Tim 2:12; 3:5, 12). These effective leadership graces will flow in to his life when the husband establishes a strong God-connection in his daily life, this reflection of God in the man is what is called in the Bible as the image and the glory of God. Woman is described in the Bible as the glory of man because when the husband is having a strong leadership grace by establishing a strong God–connection in his daily life, the same grace will flow in to his wife and will reflect in her life. Or in other words in submission to her husband she is expected to learn and be guided in all spiritual things (1 Tim 2:12; 1 Cor 14:34-35; 11:7, 3). The Bible clearly says that the head of every man is Christ; hence it is true that as much as he submits to Christ, to that level he will be able to fulfill the delicate and significant responsibilities of headship in his own life [i.e. his family life].
If yes, what does it mean to “submit to Christ’s headship”?
a) To frequently communicate to hear His [Christ’s] guidance.
b) To follow Him in spite of difficulties and to be committed to His cause.
c) To have communion or intimate relationship with Him by spending quality time with Him in the midst of all your tight schedule.
d) To take all your problems from the least to the greatest and expect him to solve yours by trusting Him.
e) The sign that the husband is trusting God to solve his problems is that he will not be anxious about anything (Phil 4:6-7).
f) The sign that God has already started to solve your problem is that the peace of God will guard your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ (Phil 4:7).
g) To be always confident that you can do all things through Christ Jesus’ strength, is an absolute sign of submission (Phil 4:13).
4) It’s hard to understand how a husband can love his wife with the same love [agape] that God had for the world when He sent His only Son Jesus to this earth. In what practical ways can a husband give of himself for the good of his wife?
The love with which God loved us is the agape love which is unconditional love. Unconditionally Father God because of His love towards us humans He sent Jesus to suffer and die on the cross to save us from death and from our weaknesses (John 3:16-17). In the same way the husband should love the wife unconditionally in spite of her weaknesses and shortcomings, and should cover her weakness with the grace that God has given him. And Christ also loved and gave up His life voluntarily and did not expect anything in return for what has been given (Eph 5:25). This kind of love is clearly described in 1 Cor 13. This love can be received from God only when we seek God to fill us constantly through His Holy Spirit who is called as the spirit of love (2 Tim 1:7).
a) We can show this love only if we receive the love of God through His Holy Spirit (Rom 5:5).
b) As Christ forgives the shortcomings and secret faults of the husband, the husband should also reflect the same king of forgiveness toward his wife as a weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7).
c) It took such a hardship and vicarious death of Jesus to manifest His love for us, we too as husbands should walk the extra mile to show our love and manifest it not only verbally but also practically (Heb 13:12-13).
d) Always when a husband loves his wife, he will not blame his wife when he lands in to a problem. Even though a wife may suggest things yet it is the responsibility of the husband to take the matter to God and seek further counsel regarding a particular matter (Gen 3:6-7, 11-13; 1 Tim 2:13-14; Rom 5:14, 19, 12).
e) Never say to your wife ‘I have done this much for you, what you have done for me?’ This will hurt your wife and can even destroy your marriage. This is not at all the unconditional [agape] love that God speaks about in the Bible to practice, but it is a carnal love which is based on our own selfishness and emotions from our soul.
f) Always be there to comfort your wife and strengthen her even if she has failed to do things right. Always encourage her with cheerfulness and do not become bitter towards them (Col 3:19).
g) When she does something wrong, always correct her but your words should be seasoned with grace (Colossians 4:6).
Also in what practical ways can a wife give of herself for the good of her husband?
a) Always submit unconditionally to your husband’s guidance and direction (Eph 5:22; Col 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-2). God likes every one of His daughters to adorn themselves inwardly with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit rather than merely outward. This kind of inner beauty is very precious in the sight of God (1 Peter 3:3-4). One of the greatest example of a wife in the Bible who unconditionally submitted to her own husband as to the Lord was none other than Sarah who was the first lady of all our faith. She trusted in God and adorned herself by being submissive to her own husband Abraham; Sarah always called Abraham as ‘lord’ showing her submissive attitude as a example for all the woman to follow (1 Peter 3:5-6).
b) If there is something wrong, always suggest your opinion and the consequence of it and allow him to decide and take his own decision.
c) Help your husband especially after he comes back home from his work. Don’t expect him to communicate the moment he enters the house.
d) Always cook good food and provide him space to refresh himself.
e) You take the initiative in communicating things, if he gets upset because of anything, don’t talk back immediately. After he gets cooled off, speak to him gently why you have spoken those things and for what reason you have spoken those things.
f) Always forgive immediately if he has done something wrong. Don’t have grudge against him for anything, no matter how serious the matter is. Because it will first destroy your life personally before it affects your family and then your husband. Only hurt people will hurt others. Only when you forgive your husband for the wrong he has done to you, only then you have your rights to ask God forgiveness for your mistake that you do everyday mistakenly by your own human weakness (Matt 6:12,14-15).
g) Always be open in communicating your feelings and solve the conflict as soon as possible. Give him space and time to think.
5) According to 1 Peter 3:7, a husband is to live with his wife in an understanding way. What does it mean today to be understanding of a marriage partner? Be specific.
A wife is a weaker vessel as the word of God says. In that way the husband should understand that the wife thinks differently than a man thinks about his family. Women take decision emotionally based on what they have heard verbally from someone. But men take decision based on what they have seen visually based on logic and information they have acquired (2 Tim 3:1-7). Women react emotionally when they face a problem and take decision according to it, for the same problem man will react and take a decision based on their logical mind [i.e. collected information]. In the physical level also, they are less strong and weaker than man’s physique. In the area of heavy physical work, the husband should not give strenuous work to be done by his wife and should be considerate as to a weaker vessel. The husband should never ever beat or threaten as a tyrant and bully over his wife in any way whether physically or mentally or emotionally. This is what it means to live in an understanding way.
6) As we read Gen 12:2-5, what do we learn about Abraham’s life as a husband and family man?
a) We need God’s blessing upon our life to be a successful father of a family (Psalm 127:1).
b) Abraham helped Sarah’s brother’s son for her sake.
c) Abraham had great faith in God and never mistreated Sarah for the reason that she did not bear or conceive a child for him.
d) Abraham loved Sarah and was considerate to her in everything (Genesis 16:6).
e) Abraham failed to protect her wife’s chastity when he faced a life threatening crisis and instead told her to tell a lie to others fearing for his own life. In this area Abraham failed miserably to love his wife as his own body as Christ loved the Church (Eph 5:25, 28-29).
Which of the principles should/can we apply to marriage and family life today?
The greatest thing we should apply in our family life today is to establish a faith connection to God daily and obey God in everything relating to family matters like Abraham. Abraham was a great example of a godly man who trusted in God to run his family. We should seek God daily like Abraham did and in turn be blessed by God like Abraham who became a blessing to all the families of the earth (Gen 12:3).
The Wife’s Role in the Marriage and the Home
1) The Greek word for submission conveys the military idea of rank and order, rather than the idea of inferiority of a person or their intellect. Are you surprised? Explain why?
The idea, rule and order of the military is based on discipline and submission according to their rank and
a) Discipline is good as long as rank and order is just a role and not used as a character trait or used as a measuring scale to value a person.
b) Discipline should be with “Love” (1 Cor 13:5).
c) It is good to obey rather than to rebel and “submit” the problems to God so that God will directly deal these things by His own power and in His own way.
d) “Love” is the most important ingredient in discipline and obedience.
e) It is important to understand and practice the guidelines that God has given; this will prevent the wrong influence of pagan worldly cultures that comes in to a Christian family to destroy it. These guidelines are nothing but principles derived from the word of God which is the absolute truth.
2) Why do you think that the word submission is not highly appreciated in our culture today?
a) Submission comes with a price of obedience and it is not in our fallen nature to obey, so nobody appreciates it in our culture today.
b) Lawlessness is rapidly increasing day by day and it is a clear sign of the end-time (2 Tim 3:1-6). Wrong message [i.e. a direction or inspiration with out the word of God as its basis] to women community will affect their relationship with their husband making them rebellious.
3) What does it mean in practical term to submit ourselves to God (James 4:7)?
a) To submit is to stay faithfully within the boundary of the set relationship.
b) To submit is not to fight for fulfilling selfish ambition and one’s own desires.
c) To submit is not to lust after the things that you want. You will never be satisfied when you get what you want, but you will be satisfied only when your need is met.
4) Submit yourself to one another in the fear of Christ (Eph 5:21). Explain.
a) To fear God is to have passion, respect and awe towards Him.
b) To submit to one another is to live in the right way of living by relating to one another in love, which is the wisdom of God in action. This is the fear of Christ.
c) This fear of Christ will keep all of us in peace and will give a long life (Ps 128:1, 6).
5) Is it significant that submission is to be freely given in obedience to Christ and is not to be forced [Explain the answer].
a) Absolutely yes, because if submission is not freely given, there will be no love in it.
b) Free will has been given by God to every person.
c) If a person really loves someone, he will not force his ideas upon another to submit or else there is no meaning in love.
d) Love in reality is an individual expression of a person’s personality without external influence.
e) If submission is forced, it will bring suppression of mind, spirit and even physical intimacy and it will create fear which destroys love.
f) True submission is voluntary.
g) The Bible says in 1 Peter 3:1-5, when a wife submits to her husband, it means that she trusts God and is covered by the adornment of God. This power to submit to her husband is not within a woman but with God who clothes her with the Godly garment of submission.
6) In Titus 2:3-5 God commands wives to be taught to love their husband and their children. How that might apply to us today?
a) The ministry to young woman in the church should be done by those older women who are very successful with their families and are mature women of God who can teach the younger women because they themselves have found the answer in their lives to all the problem’s women face in their everyday lives.
b) All that a human being learns is by somebody teaching them. The same applies to woman also.
c) This teaching is as applicable to today’s woman as it was to the woman of olden days (Eccl 1:9-10).
7) In what specific ways can a wife show respect for the husband?
A wife can show her respect towards her husband by doing the following things,
a) By not overruling or rebelling against her husband’s decision. [Suggestions are good and acceptable but the decision the husband should be left to take].
b) By not degrading her husband before other’s by speaking about his weakness and making a sharp heart piercing or a bleeding joke.
c) By not speaking against the husband to the children.
d) By calling him respectfully in their home.
8) How can a husband earn His wife’s respect (Eph 5:33)?
a) By loving his wife in spite of all her weakness and strength.
b) By encouraging her in all her ways.
c) By caring for his wife when she is emotionally or physically weak by taking care of household chores.
d) By helping her develop her hobbies and other talents that God has given her, instead of feeling threatened.
e) By praying for her and with her for God’s favor and blessings over the whole house and children’s.
9) Describe the wife’s personal authority in the home, what should a husband do to re-enforce that authority?
a) The husband acts as the chairman of the household, but the manager of the household is always the wife (Prov 14:1).
b) The husband should not always interfere when the children are corrected by their mother especially when they do something wrong, instead he should support her in being silent and should tell the children to hear and obey what mama says.
c) The husband should never speak something bad against his wife to his children. Instead he should always resolve the personal matters with his wife privately away from their children.
d) The wife should be delegated absolute functional authority to be a good homemaker and to build the house with wisdom. At no point of time, the husband should interfere and overrule her after delegating to her the authority to do something.
e) Personally the wife should be given enough space to make wise decisions regarding all the functional areas of the home and the husband can give suggestions and participate in home activities to encourage her and also should encourage the children to participate and help their mom in all home activities.
f) The children should not be allowed to interfere personally in to the husband and wife’s time of sharing and caring for each other. Instead, the children should be taught to be independent during these times.
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