What Does The Bible Say About Oral Sex And Masturbation Within Marriage?
Question : What does the Bible say about oral sex and masturbation within marriage?
Answer : Greetings in Jesus name! This is one of the most taboo subject to speak within the Christian circles, yet most Christians are in a great need to find Biblical answers to such questions because the world in our times is filled with all such loads of sexual orientation which is freely accepted and also practiced by them. Today's young people in Christian circles rather than finding their belief and faith in the God of the Bible to get transformed, they get conformed to world's pattern of thinking and live miserably in their life because of great guilt and confession cycle. It is good to confess the guilt to God and live, but it is always better to overcome and live in satisfaction through living a victorious life of faith (1 John 1:9; 5:4-5).
Within marriage, the Bible clearly says, "3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment." (1 Cor 7:3-6). In other words, Paul is saying, wife give yourself in sexual pleasure as needed by your husband, husband give yourself in sexual pleasure as needed by your wife, and the point which he is emphasizing is not fulfilling your own urge but that of the other spouse. The above Scripture also points to the fact that giving oneself in to masturbation and fantasy world of sinful addictions that come through pornography is not allowed within marriage as it is a spiritual adultery and will lead the marriage in to chaos and confusion which is not the will of God (Matt 5:27-30). Focus on self life and self fulfillment and being obsessed with it may even easily lead a person to physical defilement through adultery and fornication which is one of the major cause of divorce in our times (Matt 5:31-32). The husband has no authority to self-stimulate the genitals for pleasure, but the wife does. In the same way a wife has no authority to self-stimulate her genitals for pleasure, but the husband does.
This shows that oral sex and stimulation of genitals by the spouse is acceptable within marriage, as it is also referred in the Scriptures in the Book of the Song of Solomon, where we see the same practiced between a bridegroom and bride either orally (Song 2:3; 4:12) or with their hands (Song 2:6). If masturbation and self-stimulation is done with the blessing and in the presence of one's spouse, the end result is not giving pleasure to the other partner but rather to oneself which is again a sin which is never condoned anywhere in the Scripture. So whether masturbation done in the presence of one's partner or masturbation of giving in to self-pleasure which is done in isolation, it is still masturbation of self-pleasure which most of the time will accompany with unbiblical lust of fantasizing, pornography and all kinds of evil perverse behavior when it is allowed to continue without resisting it for holiness of purifying of one's hands and heart according to God's Biblical standard within one's married life (Jam 4:7-8, 9-10). Masturbation is a spiritually childish thing to do, when we know that there is no edification of love expressed through it within a married life (1 Cor 14:20; 1 Cor 8:1, 2-3).
God is concerned about the love for each other within a family (Eph 5:21, 24-25). He wants all Christians, including husbands and wives, to be kind to each other, patient, respectful and unselfish (Eph 5:28-29; 1 Cor 13:4-7; Col 3:12-13). God destroyed the society of Sodom because it was full of ungodly people, expressing enormous selfishness, total lack of love, extreme spiritual depravity, and major rebellion against God in which they were hell bent to oppose the marital life of natural love and affection between a husband and wife, and went after strange flesh of practicing perversity of selfishness in being involved in gay and lesbian sex to bring the wrath of God upon themselves (Gen 13:13; 19:4-5, 6-7, 8-9, 10-11; Rom 1:21, 26, 27, 28; Lev 20:13). Instead of Christians staying as a holy people, practicing the same sexual orientation of the world and the practice of it will only bring the wrath of God on us along with the world (Rom 1:18, 32; 2 Thess 1:6, 7-8; 2:11-12).
So Paul the apostle tells the husband and wife to practice self-control through fasting and prayer once in a while [i.e. say weekly once or two weeks once] to be spiritually fit and healthy for continuing faithfully in a godly and happy married life. Then once the time of fasting and prayer is over, he says to the couples to come together to give themselves to the other spouse in sexual pleasure within their marriage and not withhold sexual intimacy except for that appointed time of prayer for spiritual purposes, lest Satan tempt you and get in to the family life because of lack of self-control on your part through solo-sex or masturbation, spiritual adultery of pornography, or physical adultery of infidelity or through all kinds of sexual perversity and immorality (1 Cor 7:5-6).
So if a husband and wife both enjoy the act of oral sex by mutual enjoyment within their married life and also enjoy stimulating the genitals of the other spouse, it is perfectly alright as we have already seen the Bible refer to it as an act of expressing erotic love between a bridegroom and a bride or a husband and a wife. Oral sex and genital stimulation of one's partner cannot be a substitute for copulation, but it is more like a added foreplay ingredient to the way sexual life within marriage is spiced up for the Glory of God, or can be used when the other forms are not viable during a particular period of time due to any reason medically or practically. But copulation is the best and main course of marital sexual life without doubt as God has made genitals made for each other naturally.
Another important question to consider within marriage is, 'Will you pressure your spouse for oral sex if he or she finds it unpleasant?' If so, then you are unkind and should learn to control yourself for the pleasure of your wife which is more important within marriage (Eph 4:2). It is more important that a husband or a wife realize to express their likes and dislikes within their sexual life, and even kindly outdo each other in mutual agreement for the sake of their loved one in showing kindness to each other and not be driven just by erotic lust without love which never pleases God. In short, we should “treat [our] wives with consideration” (1 Peter 3:7) and vice-versa, and never as a object of lust to fulfill our sexual drives.
The Bible clearly reveals, "6 And this also is God's will: that you never cheat in this matter by taking another man's wife because the Lord will punish you terribly for this, as we have solemnly told you before. 7 For God has not called us to be dirty-minded and full of lust but to be holy and clean. 8 If anyone refuses to live by these rules, he is not disobeying the rules of men but of God who gives his Holy Spirit to you." (1 Thess 4:6-8, LB). In other words, God's will is that we should live a pure life within our marriage, by avoiding to become dirty minded by fantasizing about other women outside of one's marriage because God is definitely concerned with our thought life to be pure before Him, and therefore will punish us if we think it is not that serious to be involved in masturbation and pornography which always leads us to fantasize of other women outside of the marriage boundary. In other words the question to be asked is, 'Why do you want oral sex? Is it for pure sexual pleasure or is it to fulfill a sexual fantasy derived from porn?' Any motive of impurity other than to love one's spouse through giving pleasure to her or get loved by receiving these acts by mutual enjoyment is forbidden by God and therefore will punish you terribly for taking another man's wife in thoughts to fantasize as it is a serious matter in His sight. Sex within marriage must be pure and holy from our heart and spiritual mind, having love for each other, and that will always please God. Disobeying God's sexual rules might make us end up living without any joy, peace and righteousness of the Holy Spirit in our married lives (Rom 14:17; Acts 5:32; Eph 5:18). Definitely the lust of flesh, lust of the eyes and pride of life will never glorify God in anything, and all these will make you move away from God's goodness and pleasure of enjoyment with in His will for your married life and living (1 John 2:15-17). Stay away from all sexual immorality and live in His holiness to see the blessedness of enjoying a little heaven on earth within your family life and day to day living!
Much Blessings....
Answer : Greetings in Jesus name! This is one of the most taboo subject to speak within the Christian circles, yet most Christians are in a great need to find Biblical answers to such questions because the world in our times is filled with all such loads of sexual orientation which is freely accepted and also practiced by them. Today's young people in Christian circles rather than finding their belief and faith in the God of the Bible to get transformed, they get conformed to world's pattern of thinking and live miserably in their life because of great guilt and confession cycle. It is good to confess the guilt to God and live, but it is always better to overcome and live in satisfaction through living a victorious life of faith (1 John 1:9; 5:4-5).
Within marriage, the Bible clearly says, "3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment." (1 Cor 7:3-6). In other words, Paul is saying, wife give yourself in sexual pleasure as needed by your husband, husband give yourself in sexual pleasure as needed by your wife, and the point which he is emphasizing is not fulfilling your own urge but that of the other spouse. The above Scripture also points to the fact that giving oneself in to masturbation and fantasy world of sinful addictions that come through pornography is not allowed within marriage as it is a spiritual adultery and will lead the marriage in to chaos and confusion which is not the will of God (Matt 5:27-30). Focus on self life and self fulfillment and being obsessed with it may even easily lead a person to physical defilement through adultery and fornication which is one of the major cause of divorce in our times (Matt 5:31-32). The husband has no authority to self-stimulate the genitals for pleasure, but the wife does. In the same way a wife has no authority to self-stimulate her genitals for pleasure, but the husband does.
This shows that oral sex and stimulation of genitals by the spouse is acceptable within marriage, as it is also referred in the Scriptures in the Book of the Song of Solomon, where we see the same practiced between a bridegroom and bride either orally (Song 2:3; 4:12) or with their hands (Song 2:6). If masturbation and self-stimulation is done with the blessing and in the presence of one's spouse, the end result is not giving pleasure to the other partner but rather to oneself which is again a sin which is never condoned anywhere in the Scripture. So whether masturbation done in the presence of one's partner or masturbation of giving in to self-pleasure which is done in isolation, it is still masturbation of self-pleasure which most of the time will accompany with unbiblical lust of fantasizing, pornography and all kinds of evil perverse behavior when it is allowed to continue without resisting it for holiness of purifying of one's hands and heart according to God's Biblical standard within one's married life (Jam 4:7-8, 9-10). Masturbation is a spiritually childish thing to do, when we know that there is no edification of love expressed through it within a married life (1 Cor 14:20; 1 Cor 8:1, 2-3).
God is concerned about the love for each other within a family (Eph 5:21, 24-25). He wants all Christians, including husbands and wives, to be kind to each other, patient, respectful and unselfish (Eph 5:28-29; 1 Cor 13:4-7; Col 3:12-13). God destroyed the society of Sodom because it was full of ungodly people, expressing enormous selfishness, total lack of love, extreme spiritual depravity, and major rebellion against God in which they were hell bent to oppose the marital life of natural love and affection between a husband and wife, and went after strange flesh of practicing perversity of selfishness in being involved in gay and lesbian sex to bring the wrath of God upon themselves (Gen 13:13; 19:4-5, 6-7, 8-9, 10-11; Rom 1:21, 26, 27, 28; Lev 20:13). Instead of Christians staying as a holy people, practicing the same sexual orientation of the world and the practice of it will only bring the wrath of God on us along with the world (Rom 1:18, 32; 2 Thess 1:6, 7-8; 2:11-12).
So Paul the apostle tells the husband and wife to practice self-control through fasting and prayer once in a while [i.e. say weekly once or two weeks once] to be spiritually fit and healthy for continuing faithfully in a godly and happy married life. Then once the time of fasting and prayer is over, he says to the couples to come together to give themselves to the other spouse in sexual pleasure within their marriage and not withhold sexual intimacy except for that appointed time of prayer for spiritual purposes, lest Satan tempt you and get in to the family life because of lack of self-control on your part through solo-sex or masturbation, spiritual adultery of pornography, or physical adultery of infidelity or through all kinds of sexual perversity and immorality (1 Cor 7:5-6).
So if a husband and wife both enjoy the act of oral sex by mutual enjoyment within their married life and also enjoy stimulating the genitals of the other spouse, it is perfectly alright as we have already seen the Bible refer to it as an act of expressing erotic love between a bridegroom and a bride or a husband and a wife. Oral sex and genital stimulation of one's partner cannot be a substitute for copulation, but it is more like a added foreplay ingredient to the way sexual life within marriage is spiced up for the Glory of God, or can be used when the other forms are not viable during a particular period of time due to any reason medically or practically. But copulation is the best and main course of marital sexual life without doubt as God has made genitals made for each other naturally.
Another important question to consider within marriage is, 'Will you pressure your spouse for oral sex if he or she finds it unpleasant?' If so, then you are unkind and should learn to control yourself for the pleasure of your wife which is more important within marriage (Eph 4:2). It is more important that a husband or a wife realize to express their likes and dislikes within their sexual life, and even kindly outdo each other in mutual agreement for the sake of their loved one in showing kindness to each other and not be driven just by erotic lust without love which never pleases God. In short, we should “treat [our] wives with consideration” (1 Peter 3:7) and vice-versa, and never as a object of lust to fulfill our sexual drives.
The Bible clearly reveals, "6 And this also is God's will: that you never cheat in this matter by taking another man's wife because the Lord will punish you terribly for this, as we have solemnly told you before. 7 For God has not called us to be dirty-minded and full of lust but to be holy and clean. 8 If anyone refuses to live by these rules, he is not disobeying the rules of men but of God who gives his Holy Spirit to you." (1 Thess 4:6-8, LB). In other words, God's will is that we should live a pure life within our marriage, by avoiding to become dirty minded by fantasizing about other women outside of one's marriage because God is definitely concerned with our thought life to be pure before Him, and therefore will punish us if we think it is not that serious to be involved in masturbation and pornography which always leads us to fantasize of other women outside of the marriage boundary. In other words the question to be asked is, 'Why do you want oral sex? Is it for pure sexual pleasure or is it to fulfill a sexual fantasy derived from porn?' Any motive of impurity other than to love one's spouse through giving pleasure to her or get loved by receiving these acts by mutual enjoyment is forbidden by God and therefore will punish you terribly for taking another man's wife in thoughts to fantasize as it is a serious matter in His sight. Sex within marriage must be pure and holy from our heart and spiritual mind, having love for each other, and that will always please God. Disobeying God's sexual rules might make us end up living without any joy, peace and righteousness of the Holy Spirit in our married lives (Rom 14:17; Acts 5:32; Eph 5:18). Definitely the lust of flesh, lust of the eyes and pride of life will never glorify God in anything, and all these will make you move away from God's goodness and pleasure of enjoyment with in His will for your married life and living (1 John 2:15-17). Stay away from all sexual immorality and live in His holiness to see the blessedness of enjoying a little heaven on earth within your family life and day to day living!
Much Blessings....
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