Could I As A Christian Overcome Pornography, Masturbation And Dirty Fantasies That Defiles Me Constantly?
Question : I am a Christian who follow the Lord Jesus, but has been falling in to sin of pornography, masturbation and ever lusting and fantasizing for more, which I actually hate after orgasm and would feel guilty for having done it one more time. I have been addicted to it all since my young teen years during which it started and grew greatly to make me a slave to it. I am still battling this after nearly twenty five years of my Christian life and even in to my marriage, which is causing a near break up due to this bondage which I understand. Could you please explain and give me advice how I could overcome and live the abundant life that Jesus promised to all believers? I am sick and tired of all these sins which I have unfortunately enjoyed and regretted in a cycle of justification and condemnation that keeps coming at me. How could I live normally without being a slave to these sex sins? Is there a way out to overcome?
Answer: Greetings in Jesus wonderful name! I understand how desperate you are feeling to be free from these sexual bondage's that are still affecting your life after nearly two and half decade. Pornography, masturbation and ever lusting and fantasizing for more, are not just a temptation of the young though they might be the ones who might have a great deal of sexual drive to indulge in these things (2 Tim 2:22), yet lust has no age if it is not contained by mastering over it by the power of the Lord. I believe that by applying what is available by the power of the Lord, you can grow in the fruit of the Spirit which is self-control (Gal 5:22-23, 16), that can free you from the sexual bondage's of the work of the flesh that has been afflicting you. When self control becomes strong within you by the power of the Spirit, then you will be able to easily put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lust (Rom 13:14). Flesh is always lustful, but the Spirit is always desirous to give us all the spirit of self-control and keep us in control of our own desires for the Glory of God (Gal 5:17; Jam 4:5-6). What we starve will die, what we feed will grow. If we starve the flesh, soon it will be dead. But to keep the flesh from taking control again, we need to keep it in starved condition till the day of our physical death of our body during which time, our sin nature will be forever gone away from us for eternity ahead.
I appreciate you are seeking for the abundant life that Jesus promised which is opposite of what Satan and his demons do through the sexual bondage of the flesh to kill, steal and destroy the vibrant life of God within us which can only make our life enjoyable on earth and also in heaven (Psa 73:25, 26). I believe that if you can understand how your brain works, you can by the power of God can break all sexual bondage's or any other bondage's in life in at least ninety days.
First since you are a Christian, you must believe that the power which is within you hidden deep within you spirit is greater than all the Satanic tempting power that are working from outside in your soul (1 John 4:4). This is the faith basic for deliverance from bondage to all Children of God. This power of the Lord to overcome addiction is a deep living water that must be drawn out from our spirit, then by the Lord's counsel we will be able to prevail as a man of understanding to draw the living water out to drink to satisfaction and prevail over all evil bondage's of the gutter water of the world that Satan and his demons provide as a cheap substitute which includes sexual ones (Prov 20:5).
1) The first step to stop any addiction is to STOP!, which means in our desperation there is no point in blaming the situation for our failures which has been repeated for years because of lack of self control. To take responsibility of is to STOP the habit of viewing porn to feel better, instead of acting out, feeling shame, keeping your secret, viewing porn to feel better, acting out, feeling shame, keeping your secret which is a vicious cycle that has made escape seems unrealistic. We should realize that pornography trains men and women to be continual consumers, not lovers of relationship which is vital for satisfaction in life; it makes them treat sex as a commodity, in short, to make people think sex as a water through a tap, which can be turned on and off whenever it is needed or can be made to be ordered if not available. Pornography will have negative impacts on relationships, from ignoring loved ones in order to spend time with porn, to pornography destroying intimacy, which can lead to divorce. Pornography often reduces sexual potency, including premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. The fleshly fruit is not worth even a penny, which is nothing but a broken life of darkness and despair if we do not take the step to STOP this cycle with the help of God. Today I encourage you to take a ninety day pledge to STOP this addiction. Mark it in your calendar and ask the help of the Holy Spirit to keep your eyes and mind focused on God for the whole period of time in peace and believe me you will break out of the bondage shell which has kept you powerless (Isa 26:3). Once you cross the thirty day mark, your will power and the satisfaction of your brain will starting mapping new course of neuro transmission path to realign your life and break the bondage. In case you fail repeatedly at a certain point, mark again and go towards the ninety day mark, in case of a small slip you can keep going on confessing to God your sins and then with God's help abstain from falling in to sin again so that you can break the chain of bondage that has kept you in its power. The sooner we start to abstain completely from falling in to the sin of porn and masturbation, the faster our brain plasticity will align its neuro cells to make a new path way which will break the old rut of the above vicious sex circle. Pray to God, "O God, I need your help to stop my addiction of pornography, masturbation and fantasy day dreaming of lust against which I am powerless against. Thank you for empowering me by the Holy Spirit who is more powerful than all my addiction, and I thank Him for desiring liberty and self-control for my life which I also desire now with all my heart. I break the vicious cycle of bondage to sexual failure in Jesus name! Amen!"
2) Our biggest sexual organ rests between our ears, so realign your new behavior by your new belief. And that is why to break any bondage and keep the deliverance to stay healthy in our spiritual lives, the Bible says, "Now your attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better to see that new and different person, holy and good within you, and this is what we call it clothing with the new nature within us." (Eph 4:23-24, Abi's Version - Paraphrased). The new pattern of thinking rewires the brain and causes the brain's plasticity to reform new neurons that will keep you stuck to the new way of life. That is why, one must become transparent to one's spouse and stop lying to each other; tell the truth, for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves. If you are angry, don't sin by nursing your grudge and going in to a shell of isolation which might always lead to all sexual sins. Don't let the sun go down with you still angry--get over it quickly by releasing a blessing in Jesus name over the person you are angry with; for when you are angry, you give a mighty foothold to the devil. If anyone is stealing the intimacy of marriage by masturbation he must stop it and begin using those hands of his for honest work of relationship with one's spouse so he can give to the other one in need. Don't fill you mind with any erotic lustful images because they become a idol soon to captivate you and bring you in to bondage. So learn to guard yourself from isolating yourself to seek your own desire which is not good for your own life, because life is actually designed by God for relationship with others and especially with your spouse within marriage which will only bring satisfaction and joy.
So, why are so many people engrossed by what leaves them unfulfilled while bringing harm to their relationships?
The answer is rooted in the neural pathways of our incredible brains. Through our past negative experiences in youth, adolescence, and adulthood, we consciously or unconsciously map routes in our brains that allow for arousal and pursuit of a reward especially in the sexual area, even if that reward becomes less and less fulfilling we tend to increase the frequency of orgasm through pornography, masturbation and fantasizing sexually to undress a woman in our mind to stay unfulfilled and thirsting for more and more.
God has given us all the ability to choose what we like, and the brain will get reshaped in its neuro pathways to adapt itself to stimulate the new habit that gives enjoyment we desire through the new pathways it has formed through our good positive choices. In some of the tribal cultures of Africa, both the men and women have no dress to cover themselves up except some few leaf and stone ornaments, yet they do nor get aroused seeing the opposite gender without clothes because of this reason only, you learn to associate sexual arousal with specific stimuli that happens in the brain. The same is true of fetishes or objects that stimulates a specific sexual desire, while one person finds it uninteresting about a particular object with life or without it, while others instantly think of sex when they see it and get aroused? Our brains and our sexuality are molded by our experiences, interactions, and other means of learning, the brain actually creates neural pathways that label a specific type of person or activity as arousing and interesting.
So what do we actually learn from this? What we expose ourselves to, we will get acquainted with over a period of time, and the brain gets used to the activity that it seeks more of it in new ways and quantity. When a person has exposed himself to pornography, masturbation and sexual fantasies over a period of time consistently and secretly, automatically his brain gets wired to this kind of behavior that he will get addicted to it. In short, the chains of all sexual deviance are forged in life through learning and repetition.
Pornography attachment can be very strong because masturbation and orgasm produce a fireworks display of neurochemicals cocktail which releases a strong urge for more of this ecstacy and experience, and the repetition builds neural pathways to enable patterns of behavior. Even though arousal happens initially as a novelty, the real threat starts when it is attached to the sexual experience of masturbation, that immediately fires the high point in the brain to desire and trigger for a orgasm as soon as possible to reach the high point. This produces impotency leading to premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. Very much anti-relational is this habit of pornified brain, that it causes so much damage to the very social structure of the family life and friends.
Ask God to help you create new path ways of good attitude and behavior in your brain by patiently inculcating new attributes of Christ's Character, "Dear God, I ask you to help me create new neuro pathways in my brain that will bring glory to You through learning the Character of Christ patiently from the Bible through the help of the truth revealer who is the Holy Spirit. I thank you for the ability that you have given me to expose myself to good things and godly things, to thus learn to live as a new creation in Christ Jesus. Help me stay away from all sexual deviance and focus on the Word of God. I pray that you give me your thoughts from heaven and fill my mind to fulfill your purpose for my life in Jesus name. Amen."
3) Our brain produces sexual cocktail of neurochemicals that are involved in our addiction many times, so take responsibility to choose the right behavior through your belief and maintain it for freedom from addiction. This brain chemistry plays a major role in creating neural pathways that establish patterns of behavior and triggers that spark a person to engage in specific behavior. Neurochemicals like Dopamine, Testosterone, Norepinephrine, Oxytocin, vasopressin, endogenous opiates, serotonin, etc...
Dopamine
Dopamine is one of the superheroes of the brain because it has so many powers. Dopamine focuses your attention on whatever task is at hand and motivates you forward. Dopamine fuels the tension and craving for meeting a need. Essentially, dopamine helps the brain remember what is interesting and how to respond to it and pushes us to a place where it nearly commands us to do it now. Without doubt, dopamine is either a superhero or a super foe, depending on how we have trained ourselves to do an activity that affects a person positively or negatively. That’s why dopamine is released in response to all drugs of addiction, and plays a role in many disorders affecting motivation and attention such as obsessive-compulsive disorder and behavioral addictions.
Testosterone
It is a hormone that is released in men throughout the day, but when sexual cues are picked up by the brain the testes increase production. That’s why castration is used to remove sexual drive in eunuchs and sex offenders.
Pornography (and the mental fantasizing that it enables) crafts a brain that constantly generates testosterone and heightens sexual desire. With this ever-present sexual desire, the brain is ready to interpret any signal (external or internal) and ramp up the perceived need for sexual activity. Because testosterone is slow to dissipate, men who habitually view pornography cause their own chemical imbalance. This high testosterone level increases their sexual awareness far above normal. Sexual fantasies are sparked by everyday objects and even modestly dressed women are seen as provocative.
Norepinephrine
Norepinephrine is a neurotransmitter often associated with stress and the fight-or-flight response, helping us to be more alert. It also acts as a hormone for sexual arousal and sexual memory, and it helps us burn emotional experiences in our minds. Whether it’s a wonderful sexual experience with our spouse or a provocative sexual image, the information is stored for easy recall with the help of norepinephrine.
Oxytocin
Oxytocin is often referred to as the bonding hormone, and big releases arrive when mothers and fathers hold their newborn babies. It is often called the cuddle hormone because oxytocin levels rise when a couple snuggles, hold hands, or express other forms of intimacy. Oxytocin is one reason a kiss is so powerful. Close physical touch and foreplay always provides as much skin contact as possible for the greatest release of the bonding chemical. The negative impact for the porn user with this chemical during the time of climas is that instead of bonding to a real mate, the porn viewer’s brain bonds to the image, video, or situation, especially when the activity is reinforced through repetition.
Vasopressin
Working in concert with oxytocin, vasopressin also encourages the feelings of bonding and is slowly released during sexual activity and at climax. As with oxytocin, the release of vasopressin during porn viewing and masturbation works to cement a person’s attachment to this behavior.
Endogenous Opiates
People were designed to have an amazing sexual experience. The body produces natural or endogenous opiates, which during climax provide pain relief and a sense of transcendence and euphoria. Think opium, naturally produced by the body.
Serotonin
Serotonin is released after climax and brings feelings of calm, well being, and satisfaction. High serotonin levels also decrease sexual motivation. These factors help explain why men are often accused of being ready for a nap after sex.
When a man sees his mate or pornography and is sexually stimulated, including imagination, his arousal is increased and his thoughts are focused through dopamine, testosterone, and norepinephrine. If sex or self-sex is pursued, these chemicals further focus his brain’s attention and narrow his thoughts on the sexual experience. These and other chemicals are also active in women during arousal, but in addition, perceptions, feelings, lengthy memories, and cognitive choices play a larger role.
During sex or masturbation, people get the sexual version of tunnel vision as more of these initial chemicals are combined with the slow release of oxytocin and vasopressin. Worries and concerns often fall away and the mind focuses on sexual release. The contractions of orgasm are connected to the brain’s release of endogenous opiates. As well, these opiates and dopamine shut off the portions of the brain responsible for anxiety, adding to the euphoria the removal of fear. Then the brain receives serotonin, adding feelings of well being and satisfaction. Thus our skull is more than a chemical bathtub. All of those hormones and neurotransmitters are actually interacting with the physical brain and its neural connections.
Having learned about all the neurochemicals that works in our brain to initiate, engage and climax in any sexual activity we come to understand that our brain can be rewired for relationship again from all sexual deviacy, so that we can be satisfied in real relationship and not in a illusionary one.
Can you see how great our God has created us for a real time relationship within marriage and companionship that gives great satisfaction, purpose and meaning in one's life. But when sexual deviance sets in to cause an addiction to self-sex, immediately we see a malfunction happen in the chemical content, an imbalance in it that makes a person crave for more that will not give meaning and satisfaction in real life, but such addiction causes more craving which brings nothing but more emptiness, and more of it without limit as more lust increases. What a nonsense such behavior is!
Ask God to heal the chemical imbalance that has been the cause within you due to addiction and ask Him to forgive you for all the times of failure and sin that you pursued in the past, "Dear God, I understand that your creation is awesome and your understanding infinite, I am one of the work of your hand. Sorry for the days of my sexual deviant behavior through pornography, masturbation and dirty thoughts of fantasies that I entertained to defile my beautiful mind. I ask you to forgive and heal all the chemical imbalance, and help me retrain my mind with your good thoughts and attitudes that will make me live like you kid from now on in my character and actions. Thank you for hearing my heartfelt prayer and healing my mind now in Jesus name I pray, Amen!"
4) Our modern culture delivers a constant flood of sexualized media and pornography that wears at the banks of the mind, so understand that your only refuge can be God only. In decades past, pornography was limited in availability, especially to minors, but the advent of the Internet ensures hardcore and fetish pornography is always available to an ever-younger audience.
We know that porn use has becomes habitual whether in youth or in adulthood because of its easy availability of the click of a button or by the touch of one's hand through mobile phones carried always everywhere, most have become its salve trying to escape wounds, whether emotional, physical, sexual, or spiritual. In other words, have a bad day? Medicate it with porn and masturbation and the brain will get a spritz of neural chemicals that will provide a temporary respite. Feeling the pains of youth or the past? Run to the refuge of porn. Soon, porn and masturbation are just a part of the life of addiction. The relief Porn brings is fleeting and the porn binge is less and less satisfying, leading to cravings for more. Those cravings can lead to many forms of acting out in infidelity towards one's spouse, even outside of marriage which will bring such people under the judgmental hand of God. But such activities are not made by God for relief from wounds, worries and pains of the past, God has provided Himself as the answer to all of the above.
The great Psalmists after finding emptiness in pursuit of self satisfaction, have finally come to understand God and His word as the only way to fill that emptiness that they said, "You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my source of hope." (Psa 119:114, NLT), "This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him." (Psa 91:2, NLT). "The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." (Psa 18:2, ESV). In other words, do not take refuge in anything like pornography, masturbation or any lustful fantasies for your emotional, physical, sexual, or spiritual satisfaction except in God and His Unchanging Word. Then through the Word of God and by the strength of the Spirit of God, relate to your spouse within your marriage in intimacy to find sexual satisfaction in her alone after God, you will find that satisfaction and purpose of God. In relating in intimacy with God, you will find your refuge in life, someone you can run to with your worries, pains of betrayal, wounds, fears...etc and unload it with Him to take care of it and rectify it to bring a solution that will be the best for you in His way and in His time (Psa 116:3c, 4-5; 55:22; 34:4, 6; 118:5; 34:18; 147:3; 1 Pet 5:7; Matt 6:31-34). God is the ever present help in time of all kinds of trouble you face in life (Psa 46:1), do not miss God and miss the purpose of God for your life which is to find satisfaction and joy in Him alone.
Ask God to be your refuge and strength in all kinds of troubles, "Dear God, Thank you for teaching me to take my refuge only in you. Help me get healed of my broken heart and the broken relationship with my spouse. Help me not to run to worthless things for a fleeting moment to suffer the rest of the time in my life in despair and isolation, and also help me never to place these worthless porn before my eyes to see it lustfully or condone it which destroys my relationship with you and with my family which you have graciously given me. Thank you for taking my fears out, worries out and lifting out all my cares out of me to be upon you. Thank you that you will help me live and enjoy the abundant life of joy, peace and purpose that Jesus promised to give now on this earth. I praise you for taking care of all my needs. In Jesus name, Amen!"
5) The lifelong ability of the brain to wire and rewire its neurocircuitry is referred to as brain plasticity or neuroplasticity, understanding this truth gives us great hope that we are one decision away from freedom over all bondage by the grace of God. For instance, the brain can increase or decrease the strength and number of synapses that communicate an emotion or feeling. This allows information or memories to flow more or less quickly.
This brain neuroplasticity also operates under a dynamic of “use it or lose it.” Do an activity more often and the brain will create neural pathways that make an activity easier to think about and complete. This teaches us that if we could lose something good or bad for ninety days at least, there comes a opportunity for brain to rewire itself through a new pathway to satisfaction. That is why do not just stop the old porn and masturbation habit, but develop the new system of pleasure in our life through spending time having quiet time with God through reading the Word of God and contemplating on it, praying to God, developing a new hobby, exercising, cycling, jogging, writing, reading, cooking, gardening, etc...
Porn is more exciting than satisfying because we have two separate pleasure systems in our brains: one for exciting pleasure and another for satisfying pleasure.
The exciting system, fueled by dopamine and anticipation, is all about appetite, such as imagining your favorite meal or a sexual episode.
The satisfying system involves actually having the meal or having sex, which provides a calming, fulfilling pleasure. This system releases opiate-like endorphins that provide feelings of peace and euphoria. Pornography, hyperactivates the appetite system.
Thus a porn-saturated brain is fixated on sex, but real sex is intended for intimacy. The pornified brain is ready for multiple partners, images, and sexual possibilities, but it is intended for a narrow focus of exclusive sharing. Porn’s neurological superhighway is built for speed, but satisfying sex is designed for the slow and evolving discovery and appreciation of a loving partner. Porn provides few off-ramps (masturbation) that offer fleeting escapes that hasten the need for more. Meanwhile a committed couple can have long and satisfying encounters with many off ramps for creative expressions of intimacy that are not genitally oriented.
From the Bible we see that the apostle Paul clearly says to all Christians, "3 Don't allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices [like porn viewing and masturbating], or bullying greed [for more sexually fetish erotic videos and images]. 11 Don't waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. 12 It's a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. 13 Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ. 14 Wake up from your sleep, Climb out of your coffins; Christ will show you the light!" (Eph 5:3, 11-14, MSG, Emphasis Mine).
As we have seen above, when we stop fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, Christ will shine His light on us giving meaning, satisfaction and purpose in life.
Ask God to give satisfaction to you and receive the grace to stop from the unfruitful works of darkness, "Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that you are good and you have created me good, but my fellowship with unfruitful works of darkness has led me to a life of addiction, tolerance, and an eventual decrease in pleasure. It has made me to crave for something unreal and illusionary, yet when I see it to experience it, I don't like it. O dear God, help me to stop my fellowship with darkness starting now for ninety days and by your grace forever and ever. Let me live in the relational satisfaction that comes in having fellowship with you and my family that you have given me. Thank you for finally opening my eyes to see things as it is in your light. In your light I find life and more light. Help me live for your glory. In Jesus name, I pray...Amen!"
6) Stop Porn, Masturbation And All Fantasies Of Uselessness And Concentrate On Developing A Great Relationship With God, Family And Friends. Pornographers want people to believe that viewing porn is harmless entertainment and that it can even spice up one’s love life, but the opposite is true. Rather than encouraging intimacy, research shows that porn steals it away.
Porn encourages selfishness rather than an exchange of intimacy. Especially among men, who are more visually stimulated than women, porn teaches that women are objects for their lust. Women are just body parts, used for personal gratification. The Bible says that a selfish person will always isolate himself and seeks his own desire superficially through porn and masturbation, and does not care for the other person in his family whom God has given to him to relate and be satisfied (Prov 5:18-19), he breaks out against all sound judgment of sex within marriage relationally and therefore ends up in breaking the family. Thus indulging in porn, masturbation and lustful fantasies are all together a family breaking habit that always expects the spouse to give but never says enough (Prov 18:1, ESV; 30:15-16). Stay away from this unholy fire, thirsty desert, barren womb of hell that leads to death and more death only.
Pornography trains men to be consumers, and not givers. It makes them to treat sex as a commodity, to think about sex as something on-tap and made-to-order. In short, it is toxic miseducation about sex and relationships. The following are scientific studies, research and reports about the pandemic sexual and psycological disease of porn, masturbation, sexual fantasy, voyeurism and other sexual deviance that leads people to malfunction in all areas of life,
(i) Because the women in porn are only glossy magazine pictures or pixels on the screen, they have no sexual or relational expectations of their own. This trains men to desire the cheap thrill of fantasy over a committed relationship that requires them to connect to another human being. Pornography essentially trains men to be digital voyeurs: looking at women rather than seeking genuine intimacy.
(ii) Based on a study, after only a few prolonged exposures to pornographic videos, men and women alike reported less sexual satisfaction with their intimate partners, including their partners’ affection, physical appearance, and sexual performance.
(iii) In another study, when men and women were exposed to pictures of female centerfold models from Playboy and Penthouse, this significantly lowered their judgments about the attractiveness of “average” people.
(iv) Research in the past has shown that sexual arousal and excitement diminish with repeated exposure to sexual scenes, leading people to seek out greater variety and novelty in the pornography they view.
(v) A neuroscientist reports, overexposure to erotic stimuli actually exhausts the sexual responses of healthy young men to haunt them with erectile dysfunction.
(vi) Another study reports when young people are repeatedly exposed to pornography, it can have a long-lasting impact on their beliefs and behaviors. Frequently, men who habitually view pornography develop cynical attitudes about love and the need for affection between partners. They begin to view the institution of marriage as sexually confining. Often, men develop a “tolerance” for sexually explicit material, leading them to seek out more novel or bizarre material to achieve the same level of arousal.
Jesus knowing this has clearly revealed God's attitude towards a purity in the heart of people which He desires them to have and said, "27 "You know the next commandment pretty well, too: 'Don't go to bed with another's spouse.' 28 But don't think you've preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices--they also corrupt. 29 "Let's not pretend this is easier than it really is. If you want to live a morally pure life, here's what you have to do: You have to blind your right eye the moment you catch it in a lustful leer. You have to choose to live one-eyed or else be dumped on 30 And you have to chop off your right hand the moment you notice it raised threateningly. Better a bloody stump than your entire being discarded for good in the dump. 31 "Remember the Scripture that says, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him do it legally, giving her divorce papers and her legal rights'? 32 Too many of you are using that as a cover for selfishness and whim, pretending to be righteous just because you are 'legal.' Please, no more pretending. If you divorce your wife, you're responsible for making her an adulteress (unless she has already madly left you by being unfaithful through infidelity)." (Matt 5:27-32, MSG).
In the above verse Jesus nailed the relationship destroyer of lust, porn, masturbation, divorce to its proper sinful place in the garbage dump, and have warned the hypocrisy of the heart adulterers to repent and change their way and not just blame their wife for the break up of their marriage. Staying just out of actual adultery physically doesn't keep a person's life morally pure, but the pure heart and pure looks towards woman that actually keeps a person morally pure according to Jesus. If we want to live a morally pure life that pleases God, then we must turn our eyes away just like it has already been gouged out to overcome the lustful look that tries to defile our heart often. When the hand tries to co-ordinate with the lustful look to stimulate the genitals, we should stop the hand from working further as though it is already chopped off and that we cannot use it any further for this evil purpose of masturbation. Better it is to act like that now, than to allow the evil of the heart to defile us spiritually through our eyes and hand. If we allow the fire of hell to rage within us through giving in to lust of the heart, then Jesus says that you should not use your wife running away from you as a cover for selfishness and whim, pretending to be righteous just because you are 'legal.' Jesus asks men who have been battling heart purity to stop pretending and not divorce their wife, or else it shows that they as hypocrites are responsible for making her an adulteress unless she has already madly left them by being unfaithful through infidelity.
Pray to God for the broken relationship with your wife to be healed and restored by God, and ask Him to cleanse your heart and live a pure hearted life that will please Him and keep the family strong for the Glory of God, "Dear Father God, I am an hypocrite who have never kept the mind of my heart pure, but has allowed lust, porn, masturbation which leads to divorce, etc to creep in to my life because of allowing its sinful stem to creep over me and bring me in to its control. I humble myself for the spiritual adultery that I have been involved in, though externally I have been acting as though I am a perfect person, forgive my hypocrisy and heal the marriage relationship that has been nearly broken. Cleanse my heart and help me live a pure hearted life for your glory through avoiding lustful look and sexual co-ordination of my hand with my eyes which is the root cause of all sins that has devastated my family life (Job 31:1, 7-8, 9-10, 11-12). Thank you for restoring me and giving me a new lease of life to live abundantly in the future in Jesus name. Amen!"
(7) When you change and think, your thinking changes you. Because of the brain’s plasticity, people once consumed by porn can rearrange their neural networks to enjoy only sexual intimacy with their spouse, and studies show these relationships to be the most satisfying.
Another study in 2010 showed that couples who delay sex until their wedding night enjoy more stable and happier marriages. Unlike a porn video or a magazine, sex with a real-life committed partner has many points of arousal and satisfaction, from words and tones of voice, to touch, to the temperature of skin, and many other interactions. Yes, dopamine likes novelty. For the porn user that means more porn, but in a committed relationship novelty never has to end.
For minds and marriages wounded by porn, great sex and true intimacy will not arrive overnight. Repairing brokenness in marriage requires real work and determination. Building trust takes time.
Similar to correcting sledding paths, neurologists show that to overcome bad habits and addictions, a person needs to build new and positive habits in his or her life, which will in turn create new and positive neural pathways. Simply avoiding bad habits leads to failure. Spending time thinking about avoiding porn can bring up the mind’s storehouse of images, videos, and encounters, which can lead to anxiety and tension that begs for release. New and rewarding pathways are needed to avert crashes. To avoid the old neural pathways in your brain, develop and learn to enjoy the new activities that are new to think and see a change in thinking that will produce new neural pathways which will automatically break and put a full stop to any addiction with the help of God.
Neurologists agree that the old pathways that exit toward uncomfortable behaviors and acting out won’t go away, but intentionally creating new pathways allows a person to avoid swerving off the edge toward the crash. Over time and after building new and positive habits and ignoring paths to porn use, the cravings for porn and the constant cues for sexual thought will diminish and will power will return. With practice, patience, and perseverance, freedom from porn can be the new reality.
Of course, only with help of God and work in sincerity, men and women do break free from bad habits and addictions, including those who feel unable to break free from masturbation and pornography. Instinctively, the vast majority of those struggling with porn know that freedom is possible somehow, but the exact route to freedom they have not yet found out. They are just unsure of how to get there, because they do not realize that true freedom doesn't come by struggling to overcome old habits by our own strength and idea to implement the new resolutions for the old ones, but rather in partnership with God we should consider ourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Jesus Christ (Rom 6:11), and so He assures us through His Word that He has already set us free from sin through Christ's death and now wants us to live a life of righteousness in freedom thus believing it in all circumstances (Rom 6:18). So that we who presented ourselves as slaves to sin of porn and masturbation in the past to obey it as its slaves, we could now present ourselves as slaves in obedience to God leading to righteousness (Rom 6:16). Realizing the fact of truth that we in ourselves are already dead and gone in Christ (Rom 6:6), by believing this form of doctrine we render the body of sin to become powerless and ineffective so that we should no longer be slaves of sin (Rom 6:17), that only Christ might continue to live in us to do His good work and glorify God through us. Just as we presented our members to uncleanness leading to more lawlessness, now present your members as slaves of righteousness to Christ within us leading to holiness in life (Rom 6:19). Holiness and freedom from addiction is God's work done with our permission and sincere desire in partnership with God, where He works but we co-operate until by our sincere will and wishes to allow Him to continue to do His Work by Himself to bring a change in us will free us from striving and help us to rest assured in God that He who freed us from sinful bondage's in Christ Jesus is able to keep us empowered enough to be away from it as long as possible even until the end of our lives.
When God's holiness increases in us, there will be no more slavery to sin that can contain us within its evil power. Hallelujah!!
Pray to God to help you overcome all the difficulties to overcome the porn and masturbation addiction and all related fetish fantasies that defiles you : "Dear God, Thank you for not only freeing me from the penalty of sin in Christ Jesus, but also for freeing me from the power and presence of sin through my Jesus Christ's death on the Cross for me, now I being dead to sin in Him, I am free to choose. So help me and empower me to choose to live for the righteousness that pleases you. Help me deny porn, masturbation and all related fetish fantasies that has defiled me in the past, to develop in your new character and do your will and work to fulfill your purpose for my life. Help me live a life that will be pleasing to you, and that which will glorify you in all things. In Jesus wonderful name I pray, Amen!" Praise the Lord!
Much Blessings.....
Answer: Greetings in Jesus wonderful name! I understand how desperate you are feeling to be free from these sexual bondage's that are still affecting your life after nearly two and half decade. Pornography, masturbation and ever lusting and fantasizing for more, are not just a temptation of the young though they might be the ones who might have a great deal of sexual drive to indulge in these things (2 Tim 2:22), yet lust has no age if it is not contained by mastering over it by the power of the Lord. I believe that by applying what is available by the power of the Lord, you can grow in the fruit of the Spirit which is self-control (Gal 5:22-23, 16), that can free you from the sexual bondage's of the work of the flesh that has been afflicting you. When self control becomes strong within you by the power of the Spirit, then you will be able to easily put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lust (Rom 13:14). Flesh is always lustful, but the Spirit is always desirous to give us all the spirit of self-control and keep us in control of our own desires for the Glory of God (Gal 5:17; Jam 4:5-6). What we starve will die, what we feed will grow. If we starve the flesh, soon it will be dead. But to keep the flesh from taking control again, we need to keep it in starved condition till the day of our physical death of our body during which time, our sin nature will be forever gone away from us for eternity ahead.
I appreciate you are seeking for the abundant life that Jesus promised which is opposite of what Satan and his demons do through the sexual bondage of the flesh to kill, steal and destroy the vibrant life of God within us which can only make our life enjoyable on earth and also in heaven (Psa 73:25, 26). I believe that if you can understand how your brain works, you can by the power of God can break all sexual bondage's or any other bondage's in life in at least ninety days.
First since you are a Christian, you must believe that the power which is within you hidden deep within you spirit is greater than all the Satanic tempting power that are working from outside in your soul (1 John 4:4). This is the faith basic for deliverance from bondage to all Children of God. This power of the Lord to overcome addiction is a deep living water that must be drawn out from our spirit, then by the Lord's counsel we will be able to prevail as a man of understanding to draw the living water out to drink to satisfaction and prevail over all evil bondage's of the gutter water of the world that Satan and his demons provide as a cheap substitute which includes sexual ones (Prov 20:5).
So, why are so many people engrossed by what leaves them unfulfilled while bringing harm to their relationships?
The answer is rooted in the neural pathways of our incredible brains. Through our past negative experiences in youth, adolescence, and adulthood, we consciously or unconsciously map routes in our brains that allow for arousal and pursuit of a reward especially in the sexual area, even if that reward becomes less and less fulfilling we tend to increase the frequency of orgasm through pornography, masturbation and fantasizing sexually to undress a woman in our mind to stay unfulfilled and thirsting for more and more.
God has given us all the ability to choose what we like, and the brain will get reshaped in its neuro pathways to adapt itself to stimulate the new habit that gives enjoyment we desire through the new pathways it has formed through our good positive choices. In some of the tribal cultures of Africa, both the men and women have no dress to cover themselves up except some few leaf and stone ornaments, yet they do nor get aroused seeing the opposite gender without clothes because of this reason only, you learn to associate sexual arousal with specific stimuli that happens in the brain. The same is true of fetishes or objects that stimulates a specific sexual desire, while one person finds it uninteresting about a particular object with life or without it, while others instantly think of sex when they see it and get aroused? Our brains and our sexuality are molded by our experiences, interactions, and other means of learning, the brain actually creates neural pathways that label a specific type of person or activity as arousing and interesting.
So what do we actually learn from this? What we expose ourselves to, we will get acquainted with over a period of time, and the brain gets used to the activity that it seeks more of it in new ways and quantity. When a person has exposed himself to pornography, masturbation and sexual fantasies over a period of time consistently and secretly, automatically his brain gets wired to this kind of behavior that he will get addicted to it. In short, the chains of all sexual deviance are forged in life through learning and repetition.
Pornography attachment can be very strong because masturbation and orgasm produce a fireworks display of neurochemicals cocktail which releases a strong urge for more of this ecstacy and experience, and the repetition builds neural pathways to enable patterns of behavior. Even though arousal happens initially as a novelty, the real threat starts when it is attached to the sexual experience of masturbation, that immediately fires the high point in the brain to desire and trigger for a orgasm as soon as possible to reach the high point. This produces impotency leading to premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. Very much anti-relational is this habit of pornified brain, that it causes so much damage to the very social structure of the family life and friends.
Ask God to help you create new path ways of good attitude and behavior in your brain by patiently inculcating new attributes of Christ's Character, "Dear God, I ask you to help me create new neuro pathways in my brain that will bring glory to You through learning the Character of Christ patiently from the Bible through the help of the truth revealer who is the Holy Spirit. I thank you for the ability that you have given me to expose myself to good things and godly things, to thus learn to live as a new creation in Christ Jesus. Help me stay away from all sexual deviance and focus on the Word of God. I pray that you give me your thoughts from heaven and fill my mind to fulfill your purpose for my life in Jesus name. Amen."
Dopamine
Dopamine is one of the superheroes of the brain because it has so many powers. Dopamine focuses your attention on whatever task is at hand and motivates you forward. Dopamine fuels the tension and craving for meeting a need. Essentially, dopamine helps the brain remember what is interesting and how to respond to it and pushes us to a place where it nearly commands us to do it now. Without doubt, dopamine is either a superhero or a super foe, depending on how we have trained ourselves to do an activity that affects a person positively or negatively. That’s why dopamine is released in response to all drugs of addiction, and plays a role in many disorders affecting motivation and attention such as obsessive-compulsive disorder and behavioral addictions.
Testosterone
It is a hormone that is released in men throughout the day, but when sexual cues are picked up by the brain the testes increase production. That’s why castration is used to remove sexual drive in eunuchs and sex offenders.
Pornography (and the mental fantasizing that it enables) crafts a brain that constantly generates testosterone and heightens sexual desire. With this ever-present sexual desire, the brain is ready to interpret any signal (external or internal) and ramp up the perceived need for sexual activity. Because testosterone is slow to dissipate, men who habitually view pornography cause their own chemical imbalance. This high testosterone level increases their sexual awareness far above normal. Sexual fantasies are sparked by everyday objects and even modestly dressed women are seen as provocative.
Norepinephrine
Norepinephrine is a neurotransmitter often associated with stress and the fight-or-flight response, helping us to be more alert. It also acts as a hormone for sexual arousal and sexual memory, and it helps us burn emotional experiences in our minds. Whether it’s a wonderful sexual experience with our spouse or a provocative sexual image, the information is stored for easy recall with the help of norepinephrine.
Oxytocin
Oxytocin is often referred to as the bonding hormone, and big releases arrive when mothers and fathers hold their newborn babies. It is often called the cuddle hormone because oxytocin levels rise when a couple snuggles, hold hands, or express other forms of intimacy. Oxytocin is one reason a kiss is so powerful. Close physical touch and foreplay always provides as much skin contact as possible for the greatest release of the bonding chemical. The negative impact for the porn user with this chemical during the time of climas is that instead of bonding to a real mate, the porn viewer’s brain bonds to the image, video, or situation, especially when the activity is reinforced through repetition.
Vasopressin
Working in concert with oxytocin, vasopressin also encourages the feelings of bonding and is slowly released during sexual activity and at climax. As with oxytocin, the release of vasopressin during porn viewing and masturbation works to cement a person’s attachment to this behavior.
Endogenous Opiates
People were designed to have an amazing sexual experience. The body produces natural or endogenous opiates, which during climax provide pain relief and a sense of transcendence and euphoria. Think opium, naturally produced by the body.
Serotonin
Serotonin is released after climax and brings feelings of calm, well being, and satisfaction. High serotonin levels also decrease sexual motivation. These factors help explain why men are often accused of being ready for a nap after sex.
When a man sees his mate or pornography and is sexually stimulated, including imagination, his arousal is increased and his thoughts are focused through dopamine, testosterone, and norepinephrine. If sex or self-sex is pursued, these chemicals further focus his brain’s attention and narrow his thoughts on the sexual experience. These and other chemicals are also active in women during arousal, but in addition, perceptions, feelings, lengthy memories, and cognitive choices play a larger role.
During sex or masturbation, people get the sexual version of tunnel vision as more of these initial chemicals are combined with the slow release of oxytocin and vasopressin. Worries and concerns often fall away and the mind focuses on sexual release. The contractions of orgasm are connected to the brain’s release of endogenous opiates. As well, these opiates and dopamine shut off the portions of the brain responsible for anxiety, adding to the euphoria the removal of fear. Then the brain receives serotonin, adding feelings of well being and satisfaction. Thus our skull is more than a chemical bathtub. All of those hormones and neurotransmitters are actually interacting with the physical brain and its neural connections.
Having learned about all the neurochemicals that works in our brain to initiate, engage and climax in any sexual activity we come to understand that our brain can be rewired for relationship again from all sexual deviacy, so that we can be satisfied in real relationship and not in a illusionary one.
Can you see how great our God has created us for a real time relationship within marriage and companionship that gives great satisfaction, purpose and meaning in one's life. But when sexual deviance sets in to cause an addiction to self-sex, immediately we see a malfunction happen in the chemical content, an imbalance in it that makes a person crave for more that will not give meaning and satisfaction in real life, but such addiction causes more craving which brings nothing but more emptiness, and more of it without limit as more lust increases. What a nonsense such behavior is!
Ask God to heal the chemical imbalance that has been the cause within you due to addiction and ask Him to forgive you for all the times of failure and sin that you pursued in the past, "Dear God, I understand that your creation is awesome and your understanding infinite, I am one of the work of your hand. Sorry for the days of my sexual deviant behavior through pornography, masturbation and dirty thoughts of fantasies that I entertained to defile my beautiful mind. I ask you to forgive and heal all the chemical imbalance, and help me retrain my mind with your good thoughts and attitudes that will make me live like you kid from now on in my character and actions. Thank you for hearing my heartfelt prayer and healing my mind now in Jesus name I pray, Amen!"
We know that porn use has becomes habitual whether in youth or in adulthood because of its easy availability of the click of a button or by the touch of one's hand through mobile phones carried always everywhere, most have become its salve trying to escape wounds, whether emotional, physical, sexual, or spiritual. In other words, have a bad day? Medicate it with porn and masturbation and the brain will get a spritz of neural chemicals that will provide a temporary respite. Feeling the pains of youth or the past? Run to the refuge of porn. Soon, porn and masturbation are just a part of the life of addiction. The relief Porn brings is fleeting and the porn binge is less and less satisfying, leading to cravings for more. Those cravings can lead to many forms of acting out in infidelity towards one's spouse, even outside of marriage which will bring such people under the judgmental hand of God. But such activities are not made by God for relief from wounds, worries and pains of the past, God has provided Himself as the answer to all of the above.
The great Psalmists after finding emptiness in pursuit of self satisfaction, have finally come to understand God and His word as the only way to fill that emptiness that they said, "You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my source of hope." (Psa 119:114, NLT), "This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him." (Psa 91:2, NLT). "The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." (Psa 18:2, ESV). In other words, do not take refuge in anything like pornography, masturbation or any lustful fantasies for your emotional, physical, sexual, or spiritual satisfaction except in God and His Unchanging Word. Then through the Word of God and by the strength of the Spirit of God, relate to your spouse within your marriage in intimacy to find sexual satisfaction in her alone after God, you will find that satisfaction and purpose of God. In relating in intimacy with God, you will find your refuge in life, someone you can run to with your worries, pains of betrayal, wounds, fears...etc and unload it with Him to take care of it and rectify it to bring a solution that will be the best for you in His way and in His time (Psa 116:3c, 4-5; 55:22; 34:4, 6; 118:5; 34:18; 147:3; 1 Pet 5:7; Matt 6:31-34). God is the ever present help in time of all kinds of trouble you face in life (Psa 46:1), do not miss God and miss the purpose of God for your life which is to find satisfaction and joy in Him alone.
Ask God to be your refuge and strength in all kinds of troubles, "Dear God, Thank you for teaching me to take my refuge only in you. Help me get healed of my broken heart and the broken relationship with my spouse. Help me not to run to worthless things for a fleeting moment to suffer the rest of the time in my life in despair and isolation, and also help me never to place these worthless porn before my eyes to see it lustfully or condone it which destroys my relationship with you and with my family which you have graciously given me. Thank you for taking my fears out, worries out and lifting out all my cares out of me to be upon you. Thank you that you will help me live and enjoy the abundant life of joy, peace and purpose that Jesus promised to give now on this earth. I praise you for taking care of all my needs. In Jesus name, Amen!"
This brain neuroplasticity also operates under a dynamic of “use it or lose it.” Do an activity more often and the brain will create neural pathways that make an activity easier to think about and complete. This teaches us that if we could lose something good or bad for ninety days at least, there comes a opportunity for brain to rewire itself through a new pathway to satisfaction. That is why do not just stop the old porn and masturbation habit, but develop the new system of pleasure in our life through spending time having quiet time with God through reading the Word of God and contemplating on it, praying to God, developing a new hobby, exercising, cycling, jogging, writing, reading, cooking, gardening, etc...
Porn is more exciting than satisfying because we have two separate pleasure systems in our brains: one for exciting pleasure and another for satisfying pleasure.
The exciting system, fueled by dopamine and anticipation, is all about appetite, such as imagining your favorite meal or a sexual episode.
The satisfying system involves actually having the meal or having sex, which provides a calming, fulfilling pleasure. This system releases opiate-like endorphins that provide feelings of peace and euphoria. Pornography, hyperactivates the appetite system.
From the Bible we see that the apostle Paul clearly says to all Christians, "3 Don't allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices [like porn viewing and masturbating], or bullying greed [for more sexually fetish erotic videos and images]. 11 Don't waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. 12 It's a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. 13 Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ. 14 Wake up from your sleep, Climb out of your coffins; Christ will show you the light!" (Eph 5:3, 11-14, MSG, Emphasis Mine).
As we have seen above, when we stop fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, Christ will shine His light on us giving meaning, satisfaction and purpose in life.
Ask God to give satisfaction to you and receive the grace to stop from the unfruitful works of darkness, "Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that you are good and you have created me good, but my fellowship with unfruitful works of darkness has led me to a life of addiction, tolerance, and an eventual decrease in pleasure. It has made me to crave for something unreal and illusionary, yet when I see it to experience it, I don't like it. O dear God, help me to stop my fellowship with darkness starting now for ninety days and by your grace forever and ever. Let me live in the relational satisfaction that comes in having fellowship with you and my family that you have given me. Thank you for finally opening my eyes to see things as it is in your light. In your light I find life and more light. Help me live for your glory. In Jesus name, I pray...Amen!"
Porn encourages selfishness rather than an exchange of intimacy. Especially among men, who are more visually stimulated than women, porn teaches that women are objects for their lust. Women are just body parts, used for personal gratification. The Bible says that a selfish person will always isolate himself and seeks his own desire superficially through porn and masturbation, and does not care for the other person in his family whom God has given to him to relate and be satisfied (Prov 5:18-19), he breaks out against all sound judgment of sex within marriage relationally and therefore ends up in breaking the family. Thus indulging in porn, masturbation and lustful fantasies are all together a family breaking habit that always expects the spouse to give but never says enough (Prov 18:1, ESV; 30:15-16). Stay away from this unholy fire, thirsty desert, barren womb of hell that leads to death and more death only.
Pornography trains men to be consumers, and not givers. It makes them to treat sex as a commodity, to think about sex as something on-tap and made-to-order. In short, it is toxic miseducation about sex and relationships. The following are scientific studies, research and reports about the pandemic sexual and psycological disease of porn, masturbation, sexual fantasy, voyeurism and other sexual deviance that leads people to malfunction in all areas of life,
(i) Because the women in porn are only glossy magazine pictures or pixels on the screen, they have no sexual or relational expectations of their own. This trains men to desire the cheap thrill of fantasy over a committed relationship that requires them to connect to another human being. Pornography essentially trains men to be digital voyeurs: looking at women rather than seeking genuine intimacy.
(ii) Based on a study, after only a few prolonged exposures to pornographic videos, men and women alike reported less sexual satisfaction with their intimate partners, including their partners’ affection, physical appearance, and sexual performance.
(iii) In another study, when men and women were exposed to pictures of female centerfold models from Playboy and Penthouse, this significantly lowered their judgments about the attractiveness of “average” people.
(iv) Research in the past has shown that sexual arousal and excitement diminish with repeated exposure to sexual scenes, leading people to seek out greater variety and novelty in the pornography they view.
(v) A neuroscientist reports, overexposure to erotic stimuli actually exhausts the sexual responses of healthy young men to haunt them with erectile dysfunction.
(vi) Another study reports when young people are repeatedly exposed to pornography, it can have a long-lasting impact on their beliefs and behaviors. Frequently, men who habitually view pornography develop cynical attitudes about love and the need for affection between partners. They begin to view the institution of marriage as sexually confining. Often, men develop a “tolerance” for sexually explicit material, leading them to seek out more novel or bizarre material to achieve the same level of arousal.
Jesus knowing this has clearly revealed God's attitude towards a purity in the heart of people which He desires them to have and said, "27 "You know the next commandment pretty well, too: 'Don't go to bed with another's spouse.' 28 But don't think you've preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices--they also corrupt. 29 "Let's not pretend this is easier than it really is. If you want to live a morally pure life, here's what you have to do: You have to blind your right eye the moment you catch it in a lustful leer. You have to choose to live one-eyed or else be dumped on 30 And you have to chop off your right hand the moment you notice it raised threateningly. Better a bloody stump than your entire being discarded for good in the dump. 31 "Remember the Scripture that says, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him do it legally, giving her divorce papers and her legal rights'? 32 Too many of you are using that as a cover for selfishness and whim, pretending to be righteous just because you are 'legal.' Please, no more pretending. If you divorce your wife, you're responsible for making her an adulteress (unless she has already madly left you by being unfaithful through infidelity)." (Matt 5:27-32, MSG).
In the above verse Jesus nailed the relationship destroyer of lust, porn, masturbation, divorce to its proper sinful place in the garbage dump, and have warned the hypocrisy of the heart adulterers to repent and change their way and not just blame their wife for the break up of their marriage. Staying just out of actual adultery physically doesn't keep a person's life morally pure, but the pure heart and pure looks towards woman that actually keeps a person morally pure according to Jesus. If we want to live a morally pure life that pleases God, then we must turn our eyes away just like it has already been gouged out to overcome the lustful look that tries to defile our heart often. When the hand tries to co-ordinate with the lustful look to stimulate the genitals, we should stop the hand from working further as though it is already chopped off and that we cannot use it any further for this evil purpose of masturbation. Better it is to act like that now, than to allow the evil of the heart to defile us spiritually through our eyes and hand. If we allow the fire of hell to rage within us through giving in to lust of the heart, then Jesus says that you should not use your wife running away from you as a cover for selfishness and whim, pretending to be righteous just because you are 'legal.' Jesus asks men who have been battling heart purity to stop pretending and not divorce their wife, or else it shows that they as hypocrites are responsible for making her an adulteress unless she has already madly left them by being unfaithful through infidelity.
Pray to God for the broken relationship with your wife to be healed and restored by God, and ask Him to cleanse your heart and live a pure hearted life that will please Him and keep the family strong for the Glory of God, "Dear Father God, I am an hypocrite who have never kept the mind of my heart pure, but has allowed lust, porn, masturbation which leads to divorce, etc to creep in to my life because of allowing its sinful stem to creep over me and bring me in to its control. I humble myself for the spiritual adultery that I have been involved in, though externally I have been acting as though I am a perfect person, forgive my hypocrisy and heal the marriage relationship that has been nearly broken. Cleanse my heart and help me live a pure hearted life for your glory through avoiding lustful look and sexual co-ordination of my hand with my eyes which is the root cause of all sins that has devastated my family life (Job 31:1, 7-8, 9-10, 11-12). Thank you for restoring me and giving me a new lease of life to live abundantly in the future in Jesus name. Amen!"
Another study in 2010 showed that couples who delay sex until their wedding night enjoy more stable and happier marriages. Unlike a porn video or a magazine, sex with a real-life committed partner has many points of arousal and satisfaction, from words and tones of voice, to touch, to the temperature of skin, and many other interactions. Yes, dopamine likes novelty. For the porn user that means more porn, but in a committed relationship novelty never has to end.
For minds and marriages wounded by porn, great sex and true intimacy will not arrive overnight. Repairing brokenness in marriage requires real work and determination. Building trust takes time.
Similar to correcting sledding paths, neurologists show that to overcome bad habits and addictions, a person needs to build new and positive habits in his or her life, which will in turn create new and positive neural pathways. Simply avoiding bad habits leads to failure. Spending time thinking about avoiding porn can bring up the mind’s storehouse of images, videos, and encounters, which can lead to anxiety and tension that begs for release. New and rewarding pathways are needed to avert crashes. To avoid the old neural pathways in your brain, develop and learn to enjoy the new activities that are new to think and see a change in thinking that will produce new neural pathways which will automatically break and put a full stop to any addiction with the help of God.
Neurologists agree that the old pathways that exit toward uncomfortable behaviors and acting out won’t go away, but intentionally creating new pathways allows a person to avoid swerving off the edge toward the crash. Over time and after building new and positive habits and ignoring paths to porn use, the cravings for porn and the constant cues for sexual thought will diminish and will power will return. With practice, patience, and perseverance, freedom from porn can be the new reality.
Of course, only with help of God and work in sincerity, men and women do break free from bad habits and addictions, including those who feel unable to break free from masturbation and pornography. Instinctively, the vast majority of those struggling with porn know that freedom is possible somehow, but the exact route to freedom they have not yet found out. They are just unsure of how to get there, because they do not realize that true freedom doesn't come by struggling to overcome old habits by our own strength and idea to implement the new resolutions for the old ones, but rather in partnership with God we should consider ourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Jesus Christ (Rom 6:11), and so He assures us through His Word that He has already set us free from sin through Christ's death and now wants us to live a life of righteousness in freedom thus believing it in all circumstances (Rom 6:18). So that we who presented ourselves as slaves to sin of porn and masturbation in the past to obey it as its slaves, we could now present ourselves as slaves in obedience to God leading to righteousness (Rom 6:16). Realizing the fact of truth that we in ourselves are already dead and gone in Christ (Rom 6:6), by believing this form of doctrine we render the body of sin to become powerless and ineffective so that we should no longer be slaves of sin (Rom 6:17), that only Christ might continue to live in us to do His good work and glorify God through us. Just as we presented our members to uncleanness leading to more lawlessness, now present your members as slaves of righteousness to Christ within us leading to holiness in life (Rom 6:19). Holiness and freedom from addiction is God's work done with our permission and sincere desire in partnership with God, where He works but we co-operate until by our sincere will and wishes to allow Him to continue to do His Work by Himself to bring a change in us will free us from striving and help us to rest assured in God that He who freed us from sinful bondage's in Christ Jesus is able to keep us empowered enough to be away from it as long as possible even until the end of our lives.
When God's holiness increases in us, there will be no more slavery to sin that can contain us within its evil power. Hallelujah!!
Pray to God to help you overcome all the difficulties to overcome the porn and masturbation addiction and all related fetish fantasies that defiles you : "Dear God, Thank you for not only freeing me from the penalty of sin in Christ Jesus, but also for freeing me from the power and presence of sin through my Jesus Christ's death on the Cross for me, now I being dead to sin in Him, I am free to choose. So help me and empower me to choose to live for the righteousness that pleases you. Help me deny porn, masturbation and all related fetish fantasies that has defiled me in the past, to develop in your new character and do your will and work to fulfill your purpose for my life. Help me live a life that will be pleasing to you, and that which will glorify you in all things. In Jesus wonderful name I pray, Amen!" Praise the Lord!
Much Blessings.....
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