My Husband Says That Masturbating Is Normal, What Do I Do Now?
Question: I read your post titled, 'What Does The Bible Say About Masturbation?'. My husband waits till I'm gone from home, then he masturbates and then lies about it. When I asked him, he said it's normal. I don't think so. I have never cheated on my husband, never will. It's what comes out of his mouth when he is masterbating, saying ride me ride me is not healthy. How do I know he is thinking about me who is his wife before he brings me in to the picture, I need help here. He was raised apostolic Pentecostal. I'm just confused. I don't understand why my husband didn't think masturbating is a sin, the words that come out of his mouth hurts me. He even lies about it. What do I do now.
Answer: Greetings in Jesus wonderful name!
Even though I agree these kind of talk regarding sex is a taboo subject within the Church, I have always experienced from my own life that the Bible gives the right appropriate answers to build a strong family through proper relationship, and a intimate relationship between husband and wife through God's help.
The urban dictionary explains masterbating as, "when a guy gropes his penis thinking about a girl, and then shoots out the substance inside of the penis." We cannot be sure what a guy is thinking about in his mind, when he does masterbates whether about his wife or some other women. But we can be sure that even when a person says that he does have the image of his wife in his mind, the mind cannot be satisfied with that one image all the time, but rather it keeps on changing the image to get itself in excitement and tries to latch on to this mode through gushing out more lustful thoughts to maintain the stimulation. The Bible clearly says that the heart is deadly deceitful and no man can fully understand about it except God (Jer 17:7). Jesus himself said, "28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell." (Matt 5:28-30). Can we notice something unique that Jesus reveals in the above verses? First he speaks about the look at a woman to lust, which means in the heart there happens a strong desire of imagination that wants to have her as his own or undresses a woman to commit adultery in the mind. Immediately Jesus speaks about the right eye which causes you to sin, which means the second look that immediately connects to the mind to sin should be discarded and thrown in to hell fire from which such desires come from.
Jesus in another place says, "20... “What comes out of a man, that defiles a man. 21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, 22 thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. 23 All these evil things come from within and defile a man.”" So every thought that comes from within and becomes a strong lustful desire defiles a human and it is a sin. So now tell me when the thought of lust itself is sin, how can masterbation remain not sinful? Because without lust driving a person already in his mind which is sinful to defile the heart, the next step of masturbation never starts to take place. That is why, Jesus first tells about the "right eye [which] causes you to sin" and then immediately in context speaks about the, "right hand [which] causes you to sin", which clearly conveys to us that always lust ends in masturbation which is spiritual adultery to fulfill it desire when it does not end in physical adultery. That does also reveals that spiritual adultery through looking at a woman to lust, is the first step that when not restrained by the power of God and overcome by faith to master over this sin, it always some day ends up in physical adultery when opportunity comes to them with a conducive environment. So entertaining sin in the mind is the root of sin, but when it remains uncontrolled to burn a person through masturbation, soon it may bear fruit to end up in adultery (1 Cor 7:9). If we gave been kept long from falling in to physical fornication or adultery, it is nothing but the grace of God. Apostle Paul clearly directs the young believer to marry soon if they cannot control their desires of lust which makes them burn with passion through masturbation, which may end up unexpectedly in fornication or adultery soon, if not for the grace and mercy of God. Also apostle Paul told husband and wife to regularly come together to have sexual intimacy, except when for a short time they give themselves to fasting and prayer, or else Satan can tempt us to fall in to the sin of the mind repeatedly to torture our soul life because of lack of self control on our part (1 Cor 7:5).
So I agree that your husband without masturbating himself to restrain his affection to himself, he should render to you the due affection of giving himself in sexual intimacy. The same should be done on your part as per the Word of God, by giving your body in sexual intimacy to share the due affection towards your husband when ever he is in need of you (1 Cor 7:3). This is why apostle Paul further in the same context says, "The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife." (1 Cor 7:4), which means Paul is saying masterbation either by the wife or the husband in isolation is absolutely wrong and sinful after marriage because it is claiming rights over their own body to have self pleasure more than give pleasure to the spouse.
You are right, the husband should communicate his sexual need to you and not claim rights over his own body to have self pleasure, instead of enjoying mutual pleasure within the marriage which is ordained by God. You should also communicate your need to your husband and not use sex as a weapon to take vengeance for his bad behavior or your bad mood. Usually before going to bed to sleep, if the husband and wife ask pardon and forgive each other and keep their mind free from any kind of bad behavior of the spouse, the clutter-free mind will become the foundation for a good intimate sex life which is one of the main purpose of God and foundation for a good marital life planned by God within a Christian family (Eph 4:25, 26, 27). When the heart is clean, the lying lips cannot operate within a person. Only when the soul mind thinks in a frequency different than the spiritual mind of our spirit, then lying lips flourish. This means your husband even though he tells that masturbation is not wrong and doesn't think it as sinful in his soulish mind, he does know within him deep in his spiritual heart that it is wrong and sinful, that is why he is lying to you many times after having masturbated alone.
By continuing to sin by masterbating and lying to you, the corrupt words out of his mouth spoken without edification is not only grieving you but also the Holy Spirit (Eph 4:29-32). So your husband might have been raised as a apostolic Pentecostal, but pray for him to become a repentant believer, only then he can truly become a disciple of Jesus and a true apostolic Pentecostal.
Another reason for this kind of behavior is, he might have burnt himself too much without self control in lust of the eyes before marriage which might have affected his personality to become addicted to masturbation. You must be generous enough not only to pray for him to change, but also help him to have healthy sex by communicating your needs and frustration in your sexual life. No matter what, only God can deliver him out of this bondage to masturbation which is consuming his life in lust and more lust. So patiently wait for God to act, and also share it with counselors and elders of the Church who are mature men and women of God who can speak to each of your individually and also collectively to pray with you both regarding this. Women to women, and men to men should be the order of the counselors with those whom they counsel. Then both the counselors can sit together [(i.e.) preferable a husband and wife] with you both and guide you to make you trust each other and communicate things better for a good married life.
Above all only God can only convict your husband that masterbation is a root sin of the mind that starts there and ends as a fruit sin of action with the hand (John 16:7-11; Matt 5:27-30, 31-32). It is equal to adultery, but the only difference is that it is done in the heart of the person and not in the action of adultery through the physical body, but soon it may end up as one when it is not dealt either before marriage or even after marriage.
So the sex pep talk from your husband to keep you at peace saying, 'ride, ride...etc' to satisfy his lust, when there can be no true peace within you except through having good sexual relationship is something that you must convey to him clearly, if he still continues with his sinful habit do not worry but continue to pray to God because time is now ripe for God to step in and solve and turn your husband to the right way, if you let God do the working on behalf of you. Or else if you react by your flesh, the family will break, and even there is a possibility of the children getting affected due to rash marital decisions taken without patience. A foolish woman who takes thing in to her own hands without holding the hands of God to guide can easily destroy the home with her own hands which she is supposed to build (Prov 14:1).
The word that comes out of your husbands mouth hurts you because as long as lust controls his behavior, Satan has foothold within your marital life to make you both not get aligned to the same frequency of the heart that God has intended for both of you to operate within your marriage. That is, God in the center connecting both your hearts and acting as a glue to inter communicate secrets of intimacy that will bind you together for a lifetime.
All the masturbation, lies, harsh words, disharmony, lust during sex rather than love, etc are only the fruits, but the root of sin is the lust of the eyes which might be fed regularly through means like porn, crush in the office, extra marital flirt or even relationship, wall posters, television, etc...This is a spiritual battle for your husband, and I appreciate your fidelity as a trustworthy and faithful wife who is a woman of God, so I ask you to do the following that we have discussed in details.
Never give up on your family, never let the devil break your family, never let your children suffer, fight for them, never become discouraged of your husbands addictions, fight along with him and work towards victory over his sin because he is a child of God and Satan cannot hold him in his clutches for long. Soon the devils will retreat and run out of sight because of what Jesus has already achieved for you and your family on the Cross (Col 2:14-15). The God who is in you is greater than the devils that are trying to cause chaos against your family, these Canaan giants will be defeated by the power of God (1 John 4:4). Fight, fight, fight, never give up because one of these days, because Jesus has taken all the curses of yours and your families and your husbands upon Himself, soon by your faith God will release the BLESSING OF ABRAHAM upon you and your whole family to make you all become a blessed testimony for HIS GLORY (Gal 3:13, 14)! Hallelujah!
I am praying for you all to be so blessed that you both will become a blessing to multitudes in our generation through your testimony of victory over sin, who by the way are all going through the same fight for salvaging their families from the curses of sin to the blessing of righteousness and peace and joy. You are not alone, your brethren around the world are facing similar kind of trials in their own life to inherit the blessings that comes through eternal life for the Glory of God (1 Pet 5:9).
Praise the Lord Jesus!
Much Blessings...
Answer: Greetings in Jesus wonderful name!
Even though I agree these kind of talk regarding sex is a taboo subject within the Church, I have always experienced from my own life that the Bible gives the right appropriate answers to build a strong family through proper relationship, and a intimate relationship between husband and wife through God's help.
The urban dictionary explains masterbating as, "when a guy gropes his penis thinking about a girl, and then shoots out the substance inside of the penis." We cannot be sure what a guy is thinking about in his mind, when he does masterbates whether about his wife or some other women. But we can be sure that even when a person says that he does have the image of his wife in his mind, the mind cannot be satisfied with that one image all the time, but rather it keeps on changing the image to get itself in excitement and tries to latch on to this mode through gushing out more lustful thoughts to maintain the stimulation. The Bible clearly says that the heart is deadly deceitful and no man can fully understand about it except God (Jer 17:7). Jesus himself said, "28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell." (Matt 5:28-30). Can we notice something unique that Jesus reveals in the above verses? First he speaks about the look at a woman to lust, which means in the heart there happens a strong desire of imagination that wants to have her as his own or undresses a woman to commit adultery in the mind. Immediately Jesus speaks about the right eye which causes you to sin, which means the second look that immediately connects to the mind to sin should be discarded and thrown in to hell fire from which such desires come from.
Jesus in another place says, "20... “What comes out of a man, that defiles a man. 21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, 22 thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. 23 All these evil things come from within and defile a man.”" So every thought that comes from within and becomes a strong lustful desire defiles a human and it is a sin. So now tell me when the thought of lust itself is sin, how can masterbation remain not sinful? Because without lust driving a person already in his mind which is sinful to defile the heart, the next step of masturbation never starts to take place. That is why, Jesus first tells about the "right eye [which] causes you to sin" and then immediately in context speaks about the, "right hand [which] causes you to sin", which clearly conveys to us that always lust ends in masturbation which is spiritual adultery to fulfill it desire when it does not end in physical adultery. That does also reveals that spiritual adultery through looking at a woman to lust, is the first step that when not restrained by the power of God and overcome by faith to master over this sin, it always some day ends up in physical adultery when opportunity comes to them with a conducive environment. So entertaining sin in the mind is the root of sin, but when it remains uncontrolled to burn a person through masturbation, soon it may bear fruit to end up in adultery (1 Cor 7:9). If we gave been kept long from falling in to physical fornication or adultery, it is nothing but the grace of God. Apostle Paul clearly directs the young believer to marry soon if they cannot control their desires of lust which makes them burn with passion through masturbation, which may end up unexpectedly in fornication or adultery soon, if not for the grace and mercy of God. Also apostle Paul told husband and wife to regularly come together to have sexual intimacy, except when for a short time they give themselves to fasting and prayer, or else Satan can tempt us to fall in to the sin of the mind repeatedly to torture our soul life because of lack of self control on our part (1 Cor 7:5).
So I agree that your husband without masturbating himself to restrain his affection to himself, he should render to you the due affection of giving himself in sexual intimacy. The same should be done on your part as per the Word of God, by giving your body in sexual intimacy to share the due affection towards your husband when ever he is in need of you (1 Cor 7:3). This is why apostle Paul further in the same context says, "The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife." (1 Cor 7:4), which means Paul is saying masterbation either by the wife or the husband in isolation is absolutely wrong and sinful after marriage because it is claiming rights over their own body to have self pleasure more than give pleasure to the spouse.
You are right, the husband should communicate his sexual need to you and not claim rights over his own body to have self pleasure, instead of enjoying mutual pleasure within the marriage which is ordained by God. You should also communicate your need to your husband and not use sex as a weapon to take vengeance for his bad behavior or your bad mood. Usually before going to bed to sleep, if the husband and wife ask pardon and forgive each other and keep their mind free from any kind of bad behavior of the spouse, the clutter-free mind will become the foundation for a good intimate sex life which is one of the main purpose of God and foundation for a good marital life planned by God within a Christian family (Eph 4:25, 26, 27). When the heart is clean, the lying lips cannot operate within a person. Only when the soul mind thinks in a frequency different than the spiritual mind of our spirit, then lying lips flourish. This means your husband even though he tells that masturbation is not wrong and doesn't think it as sinful in his soulish mind, he does know within him deep in his spiritual heart that it is wrong and sinful, that is why he is lying to you many times after having masturbated alone.
By continuing to sin by masterbating and lying to you, the corrupt words out of his mouth spoken without edification is not only grieving you but also the Holy Spirit (Eph 4:29-32). So your husband might have been raised as a apostolic Pentecostal, but pray for him to become a repentant believer, only then he can truly become a disciple of Jesus and a true apostolic Pentecostal.
Another reason for this kind of behavior is, he might have burnt himself too much without self control in lust of the eyes before marriage which might have affected his personality to become addicted to masturbation. You must be generous enough not only to pray for him to change, but also help him to have healthy sex by communicating your needs and frustration in your sexual life. No matter what, only God can deliver him out of this bondage to masturbation which is consuming his life in lust and more lust. So patiently wait for God to act, and also share it with counselors and elders of the Church who are mature men and women of God who can speak to each of your individually and also collectively to pray with you both regarding this. Women to women, and men to men should be the order of the counselors with those whom they counsel. Then both the counselors can sit together [(i.e.) preferable a husband and wife] with you both and guide you to make you trust each other and communicate things better for a good married life.
Above all only God can only convict your husband that masterbation is a root sin of the mind that starts there and ends as a fruit sin of action with the hand (John 16:7-11; Matt 5:27-30, 31-32). It is equal to adultery, but the only difference is that it is done in the heart of the person and not in the action of adultery through the physical body, but soon it may end up as one when it is not dealt either before marriage or even after marriage.
So the sex pep talk from your husband to keep you at peace saying, 'ride, ride...etc' to satisfy his lust, when there can be no true peace within you except through having good sexual relationship is something that you must convey to him clearly, if he still continues with his sinful habit do not worry but continue to pray to God because time is now ripe for God to step in and solve and turn your husband to the right way, if you let God do the working on behalf of you. Or else if you react by your flesh, the family will break, and even there is a possibility of the children getting affected due to rash marital decisions taken without patience. A foolish woman who takes thing in to her own hands without holding the hands of God to guide can easily destroy the home with her own hands which she is supposed to build (Prov 14:1).
The word that comes out of your husbands mouth hurts you because as long as lust controls his behavior, Satan has foothold within your marital life to make you both not get aligned to the same frequency of the heart that God has intended for both of you to operate within your marriage. That is, God in the center connecting both your hearts and acting as a glue to inter communicate secrets of intimacy that will bind you together for a lifetime.
All the masturbation, lies, harsh words, disharmony, lust during sex rather than love, etc are only the fruits, but the root of sin is the lust of the eyes which might be fed regularly through means like porn, crush in the office, extra marital flirt or even relationship, wall posters, television, etc...This is a spiritual battle for your husband, and I appreciate your fidelity as a trustworthy and faithful wife who is a woman of God, so I ask you to do the following that we have discussed in details.
Never give up on your family, never let the devil break your family, never let your children suffer, fight for them, never become discouraged of your husbands addictions, fight along with him and work towards victory over his sin because he is a child of God and Satan cannot hold him in his clutches for long. Soon the devils will retreat and run out of sight because of what Jesus has already achieved for you and your family on the Cross (Col 2:14-15). The God who is in you is greater than the devils that are trying to cause chaos against your family, these Canaan giants will be defeated by the power of God (1 John 4:4). Fight, fight, fight, never give up because one of these days, because Jesus has taken all the curses of yours and your families and your husbands upon Himself, soon by your faith God will release the BLESSING OF ABRAHAM upon you and your whole family to make you all become a blessed testimony for HIS GLORY (Gal 3:13, 14)! Hallelujah!
I am praying for you all to be so blessed that you both will become a blessing to multitudes in our generation through your testimony of victory over sin, who by the way are all going through the same fight for salvaging their families from the curses of sin to the blessing of righteousness and peace and joy. You are not alone, your brethren around the world are facing similar kind of trials in their own life to inherit the blessings that comes through eternal life for the Glory of God (1 Pet 5:9).
Praise the Lord Jesus!
Much Blessings...
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