Can A Christian Remarry Again When Their Marriage Has Failed?
Question : We as Christians are never supposed to remarry again, unless a ex-wife dies?? Is it right? What does God reveal about it in the Bible?
Answer: Greetings to you in Jesus wonderful name! Marriage is a sacred promise that is made between a husband and a wife in the Presence of God and there is also a legal binding that comes with the marriage through reciting a vow before God by each other, towards each other in the presence of all other people, and a hard copy of the promise is produced by the marriage conductor in a certificate that authenticates it. So essentially there are mainly three persons involved in a marriage. Husband, wife and God. There are more who may be present to testify of this truth all around in a happy and joyful occasion of marriage ceremony (Mal 2:14). The purpose of marriage is to bring an atmosphere of love and produce godly offspring (Mal 2:15).
But sometimes and many times Christians who are the children of God fail in this matter before God because of strong influence of the flesh and self life which is against the Spirit life that is supposed to be the dominant mode of life lived by the children of God (Gal 5:16). And then there are worldly influences and tradition that influences a Christian in a way that breaks the peace of God and makes them become unfaithful to the revealed Word and will of God within their marriage life and family life (Mark 7:8, 9, 13; Rom 12:18).
When a group of people asked Jesus why Moses the man of God told a man to give legally a certificate of divorce in order to send a wife away and make void the covenant of marriage, He told them that Moses has said this because of the hardness of their hearts, but God never had this provision of divorce from the beginning when He instituted the marriage institution first in the Garden of Eden because God wanted all husband and wife to stay together happily for their entire lifetime on earth (Matt 19:7-8).
Even though God's good intention for all marriage is to carry on without divorce, but because of evil human nature that influences men and women, the right to divorce has always existed in the case of a marriage covenant being violated; however, in these cases where "the husband claimed that his new wife was not a virgin, when in fact, she was proved to be so" (Deut 22:19) and "when a man had sex with a virgin single woman" (Deut 22:29), that right to divorce was lost. God removed the man's rights to dissolve the marriage in this case because he violated the woman without marrying her which was a greater violation. God forbade it to protect the woman so she would always be supported during her life as a weaker vessel who is always in need of a support (1 Peter 3:7). However, the wife still had the right to divorce her husband even though her husband could not divorce his wife. Thus, God recognizes that covenants are conditional. Marriage is a lifetime commitment; however, it is not a lifetime commitment without conditions.
Divorce without valid reason is a sin of treachery which is betrayal of trust and the quality of being deceptive (Mal 2:10). As the covenant of marriage is conditional, divorce without a real truthful reason is treachery. So the famous Scripture of Malachi 2:16 which are usually translated and taught as "God hates divorce" and Period, instead we should then look on to its real meaning as "God hates a separation (to marry another person without getting divorced first genuinely)." The devil has always tried to convince us that marriage covenants are unconditional, and therefore a lot of Christians carry on in marriage as a prison camp that has enslaved them, thus disabling them from fulfilling the calling of God on their lives because of fear, guilt and shame. In other words, because they have the idea that God hates all divorce which includes all those which are even in valid truthful grounds, they do not want to displease God at any cost.
Wedding vows are said traditionally like the following, "I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." In other words, any thing in the ground of health, money or personal likes or dislikes for which a partner divorces after marriage, comes in the category of treachery.
What if we face in a Christian home a run away wife due to infidelity or treachery because of poor health or little money with their partner? Or what if some one has a husband who has not stayed faithful to the covenant of marriage and has a link up of sexual nature with another woman thus breaking the covenant? What if a wife influenced by their parents, takes up the children and run away to break the marriage covenant where their own parents have played a part in separating the marriage against the Word of God which says, "let no one split apart what God has joined together" (Mark 10:9)?
Those who willfully violate the covenant of marriage face the punishment of God (Malachi 2:10-12). Here is what God says, "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." (Heb 13:4). Jesus raised the standard for divorce and said, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” (Matt 19:9, NKJV). One of the greatest apostle of all times, Paul the apostle, said, "10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?" (1 Cor 7:10-16). In other words, divorce is a valid option for a believer if their partner is not willing to live with them for their own reasons of ungodliness. So no believer should ever feel guilty or condemned for a unbeliever or a so called believer leaving them for no valid reasons of infidelity or any others thing. If such people are open to talk, speak with them and convey to them of how you are willing to live with them if they are actually interested in living with you. If they reject your willingness to live and do not seriously take your words, let them go in their own way. They will have to give account to the Lord very soon in their lives.
Also when a woman or a man has deceived us as though they are Christians like the Gibeonites to marry us against the will of God which says us not to get engaged with an unbeliever (Josh 9:1-2, 4-6, 19-21, 27; 2 Cor 6:14), in those cases they will try to flee away from us deceitfully once they realize the kind of strict God-pleasing life of sacrifice and love we live towards God and others, in such a scenario, apostle Paul says, let him or her who acts like a unbeliever depart to go in her or his own way, and also asks us to not to force them to stay against their will. God is serious about keeping all promises made in the name of the Lord, whether it was made willingly or being deceived because of our own flesh which was dominant to take decision without the Lord's clear direction and consultation (Jos 9:27; 21:17; 2 Sam 21:1, 6, 14). So we as His children should keep the promises made in the name of the Lord just like him. If a unbeliever runs away, you are free from the promise that you made before God. It is a very valid divorce before God.
As sin and lukewarmness have been escalating within society and particularly the church day by day, there are every possible chance for us to be deceived by our sin nature within to make wrong decision to marry the wrong person in our life and therefore suffer a lot in the aftermath of the marriage. But these great marital problems which were created due to wrong choices of ours, cannot make God's institution of marriage as a failing institution, even though it is viewed in that way because of those failed experiences around Christendom.
Thus the message of God's Word "God hates divorce" should not be taken to extreme, to propagate a unconditional message of being bound in a prison called marriage with no way to repeal under any violation or condition, which will make marriage useless and invalid, thus binding the victim of the violation into an indissolvable relationship. The Church leadership which should act as guardian of truth ignorantly acting as the devil’s prison wardens to put people in this unconditional, indissolvable covenant relationship where the other person can abuse the relationship at will for their own whims and fancies, and yet the victim of violation remain defenseless in the dark without the light of God's word to be upheld by the Church. Thus ignorance and deception in the Church should cease for a better and a balanced perspective on God's original intent and our practical purpose of dealing with man's inability for perfection in marriage, thus recapturing the institution of marriage and again elevating it to its proper place of honor and respect in these end times before the coming of the Lord.
So we should not take God's word to make it be considered in a extreme position, than where it is intended to be like a sharp sword to remove the bad thing that ought to be removed, and be used not to wound but to heal the wound for placing a bandage around by cutting it at the appropriate place (Heb 4:12-13). Finally it is to God who we must give account!
If a wife goes away for no valid reason like treachery or infidelity or a husband fails to keep the covenant, or a wife or a husband runs away with another person, then divorce is a choice for a Christian to remarry and continue to live a life of meaning and devotion towards God. If we wait until the wife or husband dies, then we will die most probably before they die because of thinking about how they have deserted us for no reason. Forget all the things that is behind, look forward to fulfill the calling of God for your life through a remarriage that will work out because of choosing now at the present time a person with the same godly values just like you should have done within the will of God in the past (Php 3:13-14). It is never too late, until we become late. God is a God of second chance.
No one should be ashamed for something that happened to them without their own will of intention or involvement in it. Or in others words, when life throws at you the bad thing to spoil your life, you should get up, dust up and continue to live for the love of God and Glory of God within the institution of marriage which is through opting for remarriage again.
The Bible has a message of hope for those who have failed in their marriages. When Satan and all the demons caused chaos in the planet earth, God continued to speak and speak, the earth received the Word of God and went on from being void, shapeless and dark to being the good and beautiful place it is now, and even to being the very good environment with humans at the helm of it at the end of it all (Gen 1:2, 10, 31). We learn from this, if we continue to submit to the authority of God's word, our life may have been attacked by devils and demons through the people who were close to us to create meaninglessness, darkness and chaos, yet God will turn all these in to something good and make our life better and better, and not allow it to become bitter. Again God could have destroyed Satan in the beginning itself, but God chose to leave the devil at loose and still use him and his cohorts to fulfill His purpose for them. In other words, God could have stopped you from making a mistake the first time you married, but He allowed it to break you and make the whatever so called failure you had to be used to fulfill His purpose for you which is to make you become closer to the image of Christ and His character (Rom 8:29-30, 28). Glory to God!
God's purpose for humans was to not eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, but Adam disobeyed God and the whole humanity fell in to sin. Yet after that we see God had the idea to bring Christ and redeem the failed humans to make them become vessels of His mercy and grace, thus God clothed Adam and Eve with animal skin of blood which foreshadowed how the blood of Christ will very soon come to cover all their failures and sin to give forgiveness and give salvation individually (Gen 3:21). So Christ dare not be told as God's second best but God's first best on which the whole humanity is blessed to glorify God through Him, though in the natural it seems like Christ is God's emergency rescue for humanity. In the same way, you might have failed in your marriage, but God has a way forward for you in bringing again a new chapter in your life, which may look like it is the second best but it is the perfect will of God. So never be discouraged but carry on with faith and glorify God!
Only one exception to the above I give, when God has already shown in vision or a dream of what will happen to a particular situation, it is good to wait until days or months or years down the line to see whether it will happen by faith (Acts 2:17). How long should we wait? It depends on our faith, whether what we have heard is rightly from God or we have thought to have heard from God when it is not really Him but our flesh. Nothing is impossible with God, he can turn any situation around. But at the same time, when we see down the line nothing at all happens inline with what we have seen spiritually within us (Hab 1:2-5; 2:1), it is better to question whether what we have seen is right or not, and carry on with the new life in another marriage down the line if this is God's will for our lives.
Our God is a God of hope, as we trust in His plans, we will be filled with joy and peace to live a life that will Glorify Him (Rom 15:13).
Thank you. Much Blessings.....
Answer: Greetings to you in Jesus wonderful name! Marriage is a sacred promise that is made between a husband and a wife in the Presence of God and there is also a legal binding that comes with the marriage through reciting a vow before God by each other, towards each other in the presence of all other people, and a hard copy of the promise is produced by the marriage conductor in a certificate that authenticates it. So essentially there are mainly three persons involved in a marriage. Husband, wife and God. There are more who may be present to testify of this truth all around in a happy and joyful occasion of marriage ceremony (Mal 2:14). The purpose of marriage is to bring an atmosphere of love and produce godly offspring (Mal 2:15).
But sometimes and many times Christians who are the children of God fail in this matter before God because of strong influence of the flesh and self life which is against the Spirit life that is supposed to be the dominant mode of life lived by the children of God (Gal 5:16). And then there are worldly influences and tradition that influences a Christian in a way that breaks the peace of God and makes them become unfaithful to the revealed Word and will of God within their marriage life and family life (Mark 7:8, 9, 13; Rom 12:18).
When a group of people asked Jesus why Moses the man of God told a man to give legally a certificate of divorce in order to send a wife away and make void the covenant of marriage, He told them that Moses has said this because of the hardness of their hearts, but God never had this provision of divorce from the beginning when He instituted the marriage institution first in the Garden of Eden because God wanted all husband and wife to stay together happily for their entire lifetime on earth (Matt 19:7-8).
Even though God's good intention for all marriage is to carry on without divorce, but because of evil human nature that influences men and women, the right to divorce has always existed in the case of a marriage covenant being violated; however, in these cases where "the husband claimed that his new wife was not a virgin, when in fact, she was proved to be so" (Deut 22:19) and "when a man had sex with a virgin single woman" (Deut 22:29), that right to divorce was lost. God removed the man's rights to dissolve the marriage in this case because he violated the woman without marrying her which was a greater violation. God forbade it to protect the woman so she would always be supported during her life as a weaker vessel who is always in need of a support (1 Peter 3:7). However, the wife still had the right to divorce her husband even though her husband could not divorce his wife. Thus, God recognizes that covenants are conditional. Marriage is a lifetime commitment; however, it is not a lifetime commitment without conditions.
Divorce without valid reason is a sin of treachery which is betrayal of trust and the quality of being deceptive (Mal 2:10). As the covenant of marriage is conditional, divorce without a real truthful reason is treachery. So the famous Scripture of Malachi 2:16 which are usually translated and taught as "God hates divorce" and Period, instead we should then look on to its real meaning as "God hates a separation (to marry another person without getting divorced first genuinely)." The devil has always tried to convince us that marriage covenants are unconditional, and therefore a lot of Christians carry on in marriage as a prison camp that has enslaved them, thus disabling them from fulfilling the calling of God on their lives because of fear, guilt and shame. In other words, because they have the idea that God hates all divorce which includes all those which are even in valid truthful grounds, they do not want to displease God at any cost.
Wedding vows are said traditionally like the following, "I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." In other words, any thing in the ground of health, money or personal likes or dislikes for which a partner divorces after marriage, comes in the category of treachery.
What if we face in a Christian home a run away wife due to infidelity or treachery because of poor health or little money with their partner? Or what if some one has a husband who has not stayed faithful to the covenant of marriage and has a link up of sexual nature with another woman thus breaking the covenant? What if a wife influenced by their parents, takes up the children and run away to break the marriage covenant where their own parents have played a part in separating the marriage against the Word of God which says, "let no one split apart what God has joined together" (Mark 10:9)?
Those who willfully violate the covenant of marriage face the punishment of God (Malachi 2:10-12). Here is what God says, "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." (Heb 13:4). Jesus raised the standard for divorce and said, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” (Matt 19:9, NKJV). One of the greatest apostle of all times, Paul the apostle, said, "10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?" (1 Cor 7:10-16). In other words, divorce is a valid option for a believer if their partner is not willing to live with them for their own reasons of ungodliness. So no believer should ever feel guilty or condemned for a unbeliever or a so called believer leaving them for no valid reasons of infidelity or any others thing. If such people are open to talk, speak with them and convey to them of how you are willing to live with them if they are actually interested in living with you. If they reject your willingness to live and do not seriously take your words, let them go in their own way. They will have to give account to the Lord very soon in their lives.
Also when a woman or a man has deceived us as though they are Christians like the Gibeonites to marry us against the will of God which says us not to get engaged with an unbeliever (Josh 9:1-2, 4-6, 19-21, 27; 2 Cor 6:14), in those cases they will try to flee away from us deceitfully once they realize the kind of strict God-pleasing life of sacrifice and love we live towards God and others, in such a scenario, apostle Paul says, let him or her who acts like a unbeliever depart to go in her or his own way, and also asks us to not to force them to stay against their will. God is serious about keeping all promises made in the name of the Lord, whether it was made willingly or being deceived because of our own flesh which was dominant to take decision without the Lord's clear direction and consultation (Jos 9:27; 21:17; 2 Sam 21:1, 6, 14). So we as His children should keep the promises made in the name of the Lord just like him. If a unbeliever runs away, you are free from the promise that you made before God. It is a very valid divorce before God.
As sin and lukewarmness have been escalating within society and particularly the church day by day, there are every possible chance for us to be deceived by our sin nature within to make wrong decision to marry the wrong person in our life and therefore suffer a lot in the aftermath of the marriage. But these great marital problems which were created due to wrong choices of ours, cannot make God's institution of marriage as a failing institution, even though it is viewed in that way because of those failed experiences around Christendom.
Thus the message of God's Word "God hates divorce" should not be taken to extreme, to propagate a unconditional message of being bound in a prison called marriage with no way to repeal under any violation or condition, which will make marriage useless and invalid, thus binding the victim of the violation into an indissolvable relationship. The Church leadership which should act as guardian of truth ignorantly acting as the devil’s prison wardens to put people in this unconditional, indissolvable covenant relationship where the other person can abuse the relationship at will for their own whims and fancies, and yet the victim of violation remain defenseless in the dark without the light of God's word to be upheld by the Church. Thus ignorance and deception in the Church should cease for a better and a balanced perspective on God's original intent and our practical purpose of dealing with man's inability for perfection in marriage, thus recapturing the institution of marriage and again elevating it to its proper place of honor and respect in these end times before the coming of the Lord.
So we should not take God's word to make it be considered in a extreme position, than where it is intended to be like a sharp sword to remove the bad thing that ought to be removed, and be used not to wound but to heal the wound for placing a bandage around by cutting it at the appropriate place (Heb 4:12-13). Finally it is to God who we must give account!
If a wife goes away for no valid reason like treachery or infidelity or a husband fails to keep the covenant, or a wife or a husband runs away with another person, then divorce is a choice for a Christian to remarry and continue to live a life of meaning and devotion towards God. If we wait until the wife or husband dies, then we will die most probably before they die because of thinking about how they have deserted us for no reason. Forget all the things that is behind, look forward to fulfill the calling of God for your life through a remarriage that will work out because of choosing now at the present time a person with the same godly values just like you should have done within the will of God in the past (Php 3:13-14). It is never too late, until we become late. God is a God of second chance.
No one should be ashamed for something that happened to them without their own will of intention or involvement in it. Or in others words, when life throws at you the bad thing to spoil your life, you should get up, dust up and continue to live for the love of God and Glory of God within the institution of marriage which is through opting for remarriage again.
The Bible has a message of hope for those who have failed in their marriages. When Satan and all the demons caused chaos in the planet earth, God continued to speak and speak, the earth received the Word of God and went on from being void, shapeless and dark to being the good and beautiful place it is now, and even to being the very good environment with humans at the helm of it at the end of it all (Gen 1:2, 10, 31). We learn from this, if we continue to submit to the authority of God's word, our life may have been attacked by devils and demons through the people who were close to us to create meaninglessness, darkness and chaos, yet God will turn all these in to something good and make our life better and better, and not allow it to become bitter. Again God could have destroyed Satan in the beginning itself, but God chose to leave the devil at loose and still use him and his cohorts to fulfill His purpose for them. In other words, God could have stopped you from making a mistake the first time you married, but He allowed it to break you and make the whatever so called failure you had to be used to fulfill His purpose for you which is to make you become closer to the image of Christ and His character (Rom 8:29-30, 28). Glory to God!
God's purpose for humans was to not eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, but Adam disobeyed God and the whole humanity fell in to sin. Yet after that we see God had the idea to bring Christ and redeem the failed humans to make them become vessels of His mercy and grace, thus God clothed Adam and Eve with animal skin of blood which foreshadowed how the blood of Christ will very soon come to cover all their failures and sin to give forgiveness and give salvation individually (Gen 3:21). So Christ dare not be told as God's second best but God's first best on which the whole humanity is blessed to glorify God through Him, though in the natural it seems like Christ is God's emergency rescue for humanity. In the same way, you might have failed in your marriage, but God has a way forward for you in bringing again a new chapter in your life, which may look like it is the second best but it is the perfect will of God. So never be discouraged but carry on with faith and glorify God!
Only one exception to the above I give, when God has already shown in vision or a dream of what will happen to a particular situation, it is good to wait until days or months or years down the line to see whether it will happen by faith (Acts 2:17). How long should we wait? It depends on our faith, whether what we have heard is rightly from God or we have thought to have heard from God when it is not really Him but our flesh. Nothing is impossible with God, he can turn any situation around. But at the same time, when we see down the line nothing at all happens inline with what we have seen spiritually within us (Hab 1:2-5; 2:1), it is better to question whether what we have seen is right or not, and carry on with the new life in another marriage down the line if this is God's will for our lives.
Our God is a God of hope, as we trust in His plans, we will be filled with joy and peace to live a life that will Glorify Him (Rom 15:13).
Thank you. Much Blessings.....
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