Saturday, January 28, 2012

Is It Ok To Marry A Unbeliever?

If I Love A Non-Christian Girl, Is It Sin?

Q: Praise the lord brother! Happy new year. I want to share one thing with you. The thing is that, I am in love with a girl who likes Christianity but not a christian. She loves me very much. I need her in my life. Is it a sin that I did. Please pray for me and also give suggestion. ThanQ bro..

A : Praise the Lord! Thank you and wish you the same. It is good to be in love after marriage rather than before it. This is why the Bible says wisely,
"Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases [the Lord and yourself with in the marriage Covenant]" (Sos 2:7). In other words the emotion and physical intimacy of love is reserved to be shared within the boundary of marriage only. When we are young, rather than loving a boy or girl and going in hunt for a bride or bridegroom through dating and doing the daunting task of finding the right parnter, it is better to be devoted to the Lord and be in whole hearted love towards the Lord (1 Cor 7:34). We should serve the Lord fully in our young days without distration (1 Cor 7:35). When a young person finds hard to control their sexual desire and starts to burn with passion, it is better to marry and not give place to the devil's schemes of fornication or adultery (1 Cor 7:9; 6:9-10; Gal 5:19-21). God will keep us faithful to Himself and our future wife or husband if we commit our lives completely to the Lord and ask Him to keep us from falling in to any kind of physical temptation that would break our virgin chastity to our coming husaband or wife (Prov 16:3; Psa 37:5). The world thinks that it is normal for any young boy or girl to have sexual relationship before marriage and looks on the godly people who stay as virgins with chastity to the coming bride or groom with much mockery. But God has not changed and he is in the buisness of blessing all those people who stay faithful and obedient to His godly Biblical ways.

There are three levels of the will of God in the area of marriage for a believer. One is good, the other is acceptable and the third and the final level is the perfect will of God
(Rom 12:2). The good level of the will of God is the first and the basic level for a Christian, where the godly boundary of the general will of God is obeyed in the lives of the people of God. For example, Paul confirms the basic will of God for a believer's marriage saying, "14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?" (2 Cor 6:14-15). In other words, a believer can only choose to marry a believer as he or she wishes (1 Cor 7:39). If a believer is within this level, God will be pleased to a certain level and will also bless a believer's marriage to that certain basic level.

Again if a believer chooses to stand on the basic level and wants to still go further in to the next level of the will of God which is the acceptable level of the will of God
(Rom 12:2), then one has to believe that God will bring the right person by His own choice. If a person persists to pursue the will of God, then God will be pleased further to bless that person to the next level. God will be pleased to see that this person has waited to do His acceptable will. But some people while waiting, choose to end their waiting period by finishing their waiting process on their own. They will decide the bride or bridegroom based on their own decision to filter the prospect by their beauty, financial status, family background, profession, etc... It is not wrong to stay at this level, but God desires all believer's to go still further in to the perfect will of God.

If a believer trusts in the Lord's goodness and waits further until the perfect timing of the perfect level of the will of God, then God Himself will choose the exact person whom He has in His heart and will bless that person abundantly for a lifetime who has waited till the perfect timing of the perfect will of God
(Isa 30:18; 49:23; Psa 30:5)! This is the way Adam waited and had perfect fellowship with God until God Himself chose to bring Eve to Adam (Gen 2:22). Such families built by obedience to the perfect will of God will not only be blessed by God abundantly, but will become a blessing to all the families of the nations (Gen 12:2-3).

The only exception to this unequal yoking with the unbeliever is when a husband or a wife who had been a unbeliever, then gets converted and born again to become a believer in Christ Jesus. In such case Paul guarantees that
"the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband" and Vice-versa through a supernatural covering by God, eventually the children born to them become clean and holy in the eyes of God through this supernatural covering (1 Cor 7:14). A unbelieving husband or wife in this case if they are willing to carry on within the covenant of marriage inspite of seeing the faith of their believing spouse, the beliving husband or wife is instructed to live with them and not divorce them (1 Cor 7:12-13). But seeing the believer's faith in Jesus, if the unbelieving wife or husband want to depart because of it, the believer is instructed to let them go peacefully (1 Cor 7:15). No one knows that the same unbelieving wife or husband can be saved by the believing husband or wife if the unequal yoking continues unwillingly and peacelessly for the rest of their lives (1 Cor 7:16). But taking this rule to the extreme and saying that we can marry a unbeliever and expect them to change as time goes by, is a risky path that may lead to self-deception and chaos in a believer's life, and it will have no blessing of God in it.

I have seen those belivers in the same situation like yours who have broken the basic first level of the good will of God and have gone on to yoke themselves with the unbelieving spouse because of love and family situations. But to say to you the truth, hardly very few people whom I can count have really made their spouses to believe in the Lord. All the rest of the many people who went this way have got pulled in to the mud of chaotic lifestyle of miserable proportions, where they themselves have ruined their own blessed life that God had given to live a blessed life for the glory of God. Whatever is not of faith is sin
(Rom 14:23). In other words, all the actions and decisions we take without considering first to please God, love God and obey Him is a sin (Heb 11:6; John 14:15; 15:10). In that way breaking the first level of the good will of God is a sin indeed.

IVP New Testament Commentaries says, "When Augustine returned to his hometown after his conversion in Milan, his former girlfriend called to him: "Augustine, Augustine, it is I!" He turned to her and said: "Yes, but it is not I.""1 His "I" was crucified with Christ and it is no longer Augustine who lived, but Christ lived in him completely because of absolutely surrendering his life for His purpose. When Christ controls us completely, we will lose ourself in the love of Christ. Where there is death to sin and self, radical change of attitude toward life and service to God will follow our faith. If we do not die to sin and self, there can be no true transformation. And eventually we might start to conform ourselves to the thinking of the world, and will fail to be transformed in to the image of Jesus whom we are called to emulate
(Rom 12:2; 8:29; 1 Peter 2:21; 1 Cor 11:1).

My prayer for you is that you might be empowered to do the good and acceptable level of the will of God now. And please do not just become lethargic once you reach that second level of the acceptable will of God, but from there go on to fullfill the perfect level of the will of God, so that you might be fully pleasing the Lord completely and bring glory to Jesus day after day in your life.

You can by the grace of God, can overcome through faith this fleshly situation, which again needs a deep commitment and total surrender to the Lord
(1 John 5:4). Once you make that surrender, a recommitment each day to fulfill His purpose and the destiny He has for you [i.e. which is designed individually in a customized way] will make you live in the perfect will of God for the Glory of God!. When you discipline yourself to live in the perfect will of God, you will be living a fully God-pleasing life which carries a great reward for eternity ahead!



[1] Acessed on (1/28/12, 12:35 PM), "2 Corinthians 5 - IVP New Testament Commentaries",

Much BLesSIngS....


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